


Beautiful Strangers

by msmorie



Series: The Underneath [4]
Category: Jrock, X JAPAN
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Organized Crime, Sexual Content, mentions of other jrockers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:13:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msmorie/pseuds/msmorie
Summary: Hiroshi was a shy, sweet 19-year old working at a record store in Amagasaki.Heath was a bartender in Ginza, moonlighting as a trained contract killer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Synchronicity](https://drive.google.com/open?id=19xnl8sozTjHykQrE6y2aaUkbkKR7bSe5)  
>  **Artist:** SUGIZO

**AMAGASAKI**

 

The middle-aged, long-haired bartender removed the two empty bottles and opened a fresh beer, placing it on the coaster.

"Lonely?"

Hiroshi nodded glumly. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, you’re here alone, for starters, but a good bartender can always tell. In between all the people coming down here for a good time, you always have a few trying to get away from a bad time." The man looked at him sympathetically. "And what's your story, then? Feel like talking about it?"

“All of my friends are moving away." Hiroshi took a quick swig of beer. “First my girlfriend, and then two of my best friends.”

"How long were you and your girl together?"

"About two years."

"You young people." The bartender chuckled, but not unkindly. "Did you see her off at the airport?"

Hiroshi shook his head. "It was very sudden. Her parents died in a car accident so she went to live with her grandparents in Canada. She left a month ago. My friends moved to Tokyo last week. One for school and one for work."

"That’s terrible about her family," said the bartender sympathetically. "But you'll bounce back. I'm sure of it. Your friends will always be your friends, and you can still visit each other, right? As for love… maybe you'll meet someone else here, eh?"

This was met with a doubtful shrug, and the bartender leaned across the counter. “Look at old George, kiddo. I’m no prize and I’ve been happily married to my beautiful wife for… well, longer than you’ve been alive, I’d wager.” He gave Hiroshi a friendly smile. “Good-looking boy like you will have girls throwing themselves at you. You’re still young. You’ll find your special someone one day, don’t you worry.”

Hiroshi looked down at the weathered wedding band on George’s left hand. He remained sceptical, but nodded just to appease him. The man was just trying to cheer him up, after all.

George winked and bustled off, leaving Hiroshi to nurse his beer. It was a bit soon to be thinking about dating again but maybe the bartender was right. Hiroshi was freshly 19 (21 on his fake ID) as of a few weeks ago and being tall, thin, and graced with fine features, he rarely had trouble attracting the attention of the opposite sex. The only thing stopping him from being a lot more popular was that he tended to be a bit on the shy, quiet side but some girls liked that. That was certainly one of the things that Misa had liked about him.

Hiroshi pondered upon this and turned in his barstool to glance over the other nightclub patrons. Most of them were in their early to mid-twenties; some were very drunk, and he watched with distaste as one girl staggered away with her shoes dangling from one hand, heading toward the bathroom to puke.

 

He recalled the first time Masato and Ryo had brought him to this nightclub to cheer him up just after Misa had left. It had been exciting at first, getting dressed up and putting makeup on to make themselves look just that little bit older for a night of underage drinking, but seeing so many couples there just made him feel lonely again.

“You know what you should do? Pick a cute girl and do a bit of flirting,” Ryo had declared.

“I don’t feel like—”

“Just for fun!”

“You should use that cool nickname we came up with in school,” Masato added.

Ryo flagged down a bartender. “Which nickname? Hi-chan?”

Masato laughed. “Yeah, go up to a pretty girl and tell her your name’s Hi-chan. See if that gets you laid. I meant _Heath_.”

“Yeah!” Ryo’s face lit up. “It’ll make you look really cool and not just another Hiroshi.”

Ryo had dared him to try it on the next hottie he saw. Nobody had looked interesting enough that night, and he really wasn’t in the mood, so he had remained just another Hiroshi.

 

Tonight, though, he caught the eye of a good-looking guy from across the dance floor, around his age with blond hair. It felt weird staring at a stranger and Hiroshi’s gaze skated away, only to glance back up and see that the guy was still looking at him.

Just as Hiroshi was wondering if he was supposed to know him from somewhere, the stranger suddenly looked up and smiled at three of his friends who had returned from the dance floor. Hiroshi couldn’t hear what they were saying over the din of the nightclub but it was clear that they were about to leave. The four of them headed toward the exit and trailing at the end of the little group was the blond, still glancing at him occasionally, leaving a perplexed Hiroshi alone to finish his beer.

He went home to the quiet little apartment where he lived alone and picked up the phone. His hand hovered over the keypad. He wanted to call Masato and Ryo at their place in Tokyo, but then thought better of it. They were probably still settling into their new digs and Masato was studying at a prestigious music school that left him with little free time as well. He could probably use all the time he could get to study or, better yet, rest.

 

Hiroshi put the phone down and went to bed.

 

* * *

 

Unable to contain his curiosity about the cute blond guy, Hiroshi returned to the nightclub a couple of nights later. He seated himself at the bar again and ordered a beer, drinking it slowly. For a while he didn’t see anyone familiar besides the bartender George, and was starting to wonder if he’d forgotten what the blond guy looked like, or if he just didn’t come here regularly, and resigned himself to a night of people-watching.

By the time the blond finally turned up with a few friends, Hiroshi was already halfway drunk. He glanced at them every now and then as the friends downed a few drinks and eventually got up to dance, trying to coax the blond into joining them. The blond just kept smiling and shaking his head so they finally gave up and left him at their table. It was several minutes before he finally spotted Hiroshi again.

Hiroshi cast a furtive look around, trying to see if the blond might be looking at someone else. To his left was an empty barstool; to his right was a guy slumped over the bar, out cold with his hand loosely wrapped around a half-finished glass of whisky.

The blond was definitely looking at him.

Hiroshi nearly choked on his beer when the blond offered him a small smile. This seemed to amuse the guy because he looked away briefly and touched his lips, trying to hide a little laugh, and then winked at him. _Oh shit_. Embarrassed, Hiroshi turned away so that he wouldn’t have to look at this stranger teasing him and almost blurted out, “Oh thank fuck,” when a gorgeous girl a few years older than him slid into the empty barstool next to him. He was glad to have something else to take his mind off this blond guy and bought the girl a drink.

After a few minutes of inane small talk and light flirting, she touched his knee and let her hand run up his leg. This took Hiroshi by surprise and he unwittingly glanced at the blond guy as she caressed his thigh. She was very pretty and had nice breasts but he had already decided that she wasn’t his type—too bubbly and perky—so it was sort of a relief when she coyly excused herself to go and ‘freshen up’.

As soon as she was gone, Hiroshi started thinking of excuses to turn her down or perhaps he should just leave before she got back. He nearly did a double-take when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the blond guy threading his way through the people on the dance floor. _Oh crap, he’s coming this way_.

“Hi,” said the blond, taking a seat at the recently-vacated barstool.

“Uh, hi,” Hiroshi said awkwardly. Why did his face suddenly feel so hot?

“Pretty girl you had there.”

Hiroshi shrugged and kept his gaze firmly fixed on his beer, trying to act cool and casual.

“Not into her?” Another shrug and the blond laughed. “You’re cute when you blush like that.”

The offhand remark only made Hiroshi blush more, which was infuriating. He stole a quick a glance; the blond was attractive, no doubt about that.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

A sober Hiroshi might have politely turned down the offer out of shyness but the buzz from already being a little drunk emboldened him and he lifted his head. “What’s that you’re drinking?”

“This?” The blond glanced down at the half-finished glass in his hand. “Malibu and Coke.” He held the glass out to him invitingly.

Hiroshi accepted the glass and self-consciously avoided touching the other guy’s hand. They looked at each other over the rim of the glass before Hiroshi dropped his gaze and took a slow sip. “That’s pretty good.”

“Nice to know we have something in common,” the blond said. “My name’s Shin, by the way.”

“I’m H—” Hiroshi stopped short. “Heath. My name’s Heath.”

Shin gave Hiroshi - _Heath_ \- an unabashed looking over. “I like it. It suits you…” Shin frowned when he was interrupted by someone barging in between them. It was the girl from before, having re-applied her lipstick and pushed her breasts up even more.

“Hey, sweetie,” she purred, ignoring Shin completely. “How about we leave this place and go back to mine?” 

He looked at her and then at Shin. Behind the girl, Shin looked peeved. Heath looked back at the girl and then, after a brief hesitation, reached past her for the glass of Malibu and Coke.

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for walking me to the station,” Heath said. “I’ll be okay from here.”

 

The girl (Reika? Reiko?) had left in a huff when Heath turned her down, leaving him alone with Shin who tried not to look _too_ smug about it. An hour and another drink or two later, Heath politely excused himself to catch the last train home.

“Can I walk you to the station?” Shin had offered.

Heath shook his head. “It’s only a few blocks away.”

“Please?” Shin said with a charming smile. “I just want to make sure you get on that train safely. This neighbourhood can be a bit rough.”

“Um…” Heath hesitated and glanced around. “What about your friends?”

The blond chuckled. “Does it look like they need me?”

Indeed, his friends looked like they were having a great time, dancing without a care in the world.

Heath was walking a little more slowly than usual. Maybe it was because he had plenty of time before the last train, maybe it was because he felt relaxed. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with Shin; after all, the attention was nice and very flattering.

When they reached the stairs leading up to the train platform, they both stopped and looked at each other. Heath was about to say good night but felt his face heat up again at the way Shin was looking at him.

Shin smiled. “You really are cute when you blush like that.”

That was how Heath had found himself pressed up against the wall of the train station, being kissed by a guy he’d only just met that night. His hands tangled in Shin’s hair and the way that Shin kissed him left him breathless. The blond ran his tongue along his lower lip and Heath responded in kind; this made Shin smile into their kiss and then he began kissing Heath’s neck almost hungrily. Heath moaned softly and tightened his fingers in Shin’s hair, tilting his head as far back as he could. Shin hummed in contentment; Heath was clearly enjoying this and Shin wanted more, wanted to hear more of those sweet, delicious noises that Heath was making.

When Shin nudged a knee between Heath’s legs, the moan that fell from Heath’s lips made Shin feel hot all over and their kisses became more feverish, open-mouthed, breathing heavily and Shin couldn’t contain a moan of his own when Heath reacted by grinding himself against Shin’s thigh. The blond had already been aroused by their filthy kissing and now he was rock hard with the way this gorgeous almost-stranger was rubbing up against him like that. He gently caressed Heath’s face, down along his jawline and neck and that slender body, before letting his fingers graze along the waistband of Heath’s jeans.

That was it. Heath froze all over, his eyes snapped open and he gulped hard. Shin immediately took his hand away and felt his entire body sink with disappointment.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Too much?”

Heath’s face flushed a deep red and his first instinct was to retreat, even though he was backed up against the wall with nowhere to go.

“I, uh, it’s just, um… sorry, I’m—” Heath stammered, not knowing what to say.

They both looked up as a low rumbling clatter signalled an approaching train.

“Sorry, um, I have to go. Sorry…” Heath mumbled, and Shin watched as he fled up the stairs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * George - Ladiesroom  
> * [Shin (Suzuki Shinichiro)](https://i.imgur.com/KohnvsO.jpg) and Heath worked together briefly as the duo RATS


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Endless](https://drive.google.com/open?id=112V1UNKbKtX5UNoFBftPKHAcnZ3O4Usc)  
>  **Artist:** FAKE?

“Masato is a chick magnet!” Ryo said gleefully down the phone. “We went to some bar and they had a guy singing and playing guitar. He went to take a break, so Masato asked if he could play the guitar for a bit, and he said yes. Next thing you know, there’s a bunch of girls drooling over him!”

“It was only three girls and they weren’t drooling,” Masato protested.

Heath was carving deep grooves into the old wooden coffee table’s leg with his pocket knife while he listened to Ryo on the phone babbling about how cute these girls were, and how music school was really paying off for Masato.

“Geez, shut up, Ryo!” Masato was saying. “What’s been going on back home, Hiroshi? You been good?”

Heath smiled. It was nice that they still thought of Amagasaki as ‘home’. “Yeah. Not much. Same stuff.”

There was a short pause and then Masato said, “Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“He misses us, I bet,” Ryo boasted.

Masato ignored him. “You know you can tell us anything.”

Heath hesitated for several seconds. “Have either of you ever kissed a guy?”

There was another pause from his two friends and then Ryo burst out laughing. “Hi- _ro_ -shi! Did you go back to Ladiesroom and pick up a cute boy?”

“No! Not really…” Heath hastily explained about going down to the nightclub again and how Shin had been looking at him all night. “So, we got talking and we had a couple of drinks together. He walked me to the train station and, well, we kind of, um… made out.”

“Ooooh, was he a good kisser?” asked Ryo with all the enthusiasm of a teenage girl.

“Yes…” Heath started blushing furiously. “But it um, wasn’t just kissing. There was umm, kind of some, uh, you know—” Heath cleared his throat. “—hrrmgrinding.”

“Ugh, that is _hot_ ,” Ryo said

“Ryo!” Masato admonished.

“Did you tell him your name is Heath?”

“Yes,” Heath mumbled.

“Bro, I would high-five you _so_ hard right now if I could.”

“Ryo, shut up!” Masato said. “Hiroshi—”

“ _Heath_ ,” Ryo corrected.

Masato sighed. “Heath, then. I wish you’d be more careful. You’ve just met the guy.”

“I know, but he was really nice and when I asked him to stop, he stopped.” Heath was embarrassed. Why was he telling them all of this?

“Of _course_ he’s going to be nice if he wants to get some cock!”

“ _Masato_!” Ryo said in that same admonishing tone, and he snorted loudly. “C’mon, Hiro—Heath could shiv anyone if they tried to mess with him. Hey, are you going to see him again?”

“I don’t know,” Heath said in that vague way that really meant, _Yes, I probably will_.

“I just want you to be more careful is all,” Masato said. “Don’t do anything stupid, don’t let your dick do all your thinking for you. And don’t stab anyone, we don’t want you ending up in fucking jail!”

Ryo laughed and they changed the subject to the new records that had just come in at Paranoia, the store where Heath worked. Then Masato said he had to get up early for school, so they ended the call.

 

Masato’s words of caution had had some effect because Heath avoided the nightclub for a few days while he stewed over it. He found himself thinking back on their steamy little make out session. It _had_ been hot and he wondered just how far Shin would have gone if he’d let him. He’d never been with a guy before but he had to admit that the feeling of Shin’s hard-on pressing into his leg had felt surprisingly good. Sex with girls was awesome, but you didn’t get the kind of tangible indication of arousal that you did with a guy. And Shin had looked genuinely apologetic when he realised he’d gone just that little bit too far.

 

It took a little liquid courage but he eventually got changed, quickly put on some dark eye makeup, and made his way back to the nightclub. His heart sank as soon as he spotted Shin. He had his arm around the waist of a girl with long, chocolate brown hair and they were obviously very close.

 _He’s already found someone else_ , he thought unhappily. Masato had been right: the guy was probably just looking for a bit of fun. It was a blow to the ego to find out that their brief tryst had meant so little Shin, while it had consumed Heath the whole time.

Since he was already there, he decided to make the most of it, putting on a smile and ordering a Malibu and Coke just for the hell of it. Shin or no Shin, it was a tasty drink and he was just beginning to relax when he felt a light hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Heath,” Shin said lightly.

“Hi,” Heath muttered, taking a drink to avoid having to look at or talk to him.

Shin picked up on this and his expression softened. “Um… are you okay? After, you know, the other night?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Heath lied.

Shin was taken aback by his tone. “Well… if I made you feel uncomfortable or anything…”

“I _really_ don’t think you should be talking to me about that.”

“What do you mean?” Shin looked confused. He followed Heath’s gaze to the girl that he’d been with just moments before. “Oh… _oh_. No. She’s just a friend.”

“Oh,” Heath said softly.

Shin shifted around restlessly. “You haven’t come down here for a while.”

Heath said nothing.

Shin fidgeted some more. “I, um, I thought… I was afraid I wouldn’t see you again.”

It caught Heath by surprise to see him looking so flustered and uncertain when he had been so confident and almost cocky before. Even more disarming was Shin’s admission that he really did want to see him again.

“Yeah.” Heath looked down. “I just… I wasn’t sure.”

Shin nodded. “And…?”

 

* * *

 

The prospect of going home with a virtual stranger had been exciting, up until things started to become real. Heath’s apprehension was palpable, and when they had wandered into Shin’s bedroom and stumbled against the bed, their lips locked in a kiss, Heath had tensed up again.

“Nervous?” Shin asked gently.

“A bit.” His heart felt like it had crawled up into his throat.

“Not a virgin, are you?” Shin teased.

“Of course not,” Heath retorted hotly. For a second he was annoyed but then Shin spoke again and his tone softened.

“Never been with a guy before?”

Heath’s breath caught in his throat and he nodded.

“Don’t worry,” Shin murmured, moving in to kiss him again. “We’ll take it slow, okay? As slow as you like. If you want me to stop, I’ll stop. I don’t want to do anything you won’t like.”

“Really?” Heath blurted out. His heart was beating so quickly, it felt like it was vibrating. He remembered what Masato had said about being careful. He hadn’t thought to bring any condoms so if they ended up having sex…

“I don’t want to scare you away again. I like you, Heath. In case that wasn’t obvious.” Shin ran a hand down Heath’s back and it made him shiver with pleasure. “Just relax and enjoy it, okay?”

Heath took a deep breath. “Okay.”

 

And Shin had kept his promise. They took things little by little, with Shin doing his best to make sure that Heath wasn’t uncomfortable. Eventually Heath allowed Shin to settle on top of him, and he had his legs clamped around the blonde’s hips as they moved together, enjoying that delicious friction between them. When Heath began to whimper and his breathing became short and shallow, Shin had offered to help him come; he’d been very uneasy about that until the need for release became really unbearable, and then Shin had pulled Heath’s jeans and boxers down just enough to slip a hand in and finish him off. Shin held him close with his other arm and kissed him as he rode out his orgasm, already beginning to love the feel of that slim body against his own.

Shin continued stroking him lightly as Heath came down from that incredible high, gasping for breath, his body relaxing completely. He watched with glazed eyes as Shin reached for the tissues on the nightstand to clean him off, and then he kissed Heath along the bridge of his nose.

“Just wait here,” he whispered.

“Where are you going?” Heath asked, confused.

“Nowhere. I’ll be back in a minute.” Shin was getting out of bed and he padded quietly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and Heath realised that he’d gone to finish himself off. He felt a bad about that; Shin had gotten him off and he hadn’t returned the favour.

He got up on wobbly legs to pull his boxers and jeans back up. Was this a one-night thing? When would he be expected to leave? The last train was long gone by now but he could catch a taxi… what the hell were the rules, anyway?

He was sitting on the end of the bed, deliberating on this when he heard the flush of the toilet and then running water in the sink; the bathroom door opened and then Shin sat down beside him.

“Are you all right?” he asked. He put a reassuring hand on Heath’s back.

“Yeah.” Heath hesitated. “Um… maybe I should… I mean, do you want me to go?”

There was a moment of silence from the blond. “Do you want to go?”

 

Did he?

 

Shin moved closer to him. “I’d really like it if you could stay. But only if you want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. I told you. I like you.” As if to prove it, Shin pressed a soft kiss to his lips and Heath felt a deep flutter in his chest.

When they parted, Heath bit his lip and lowered his gaze shyly. “I like you, too.”

“So… can you stay?”

“Yeah. I’ll stay.”

Shin smiled. “You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in if you like,” he offered as he stripped down to his boxers. “Or not.”

 

Oh god. Borrowing clothes sounded like serious boyfriend territory.

 

“W-well… um…” Heath stammered. “N-no, that’s okay.” He followed Shin’s lead, discarding his t-shirt and jeans.

When Shin turned out the light, Heath was sure that his heart was beating loud enough to hear. They were in bed together, practically naked, and—

“I’ll try not to molest you in your sleep,” Shin said in a low, teasing voice, as if he’d read his mind. “Unless you want me to.”

 

* * *

 

Heath felt something heavy resting on his chest and slowly opened his eyes, blinking blearily. Shin was fast asleep with an arm loosely draped over him… and his hard-on pressing against Heath’s thigh. 

The memory of them fooling around together and Shin finishing him off with a handjob rushed back with a mixture of embarrassment, pride, and lust. He was glad that they hadn’t fucked, because he really didn’t think he was ready for that, but everything they’d done so far had felt incredible. It crossed his mind that he could reach down under the covers and touch Shin the way Shin had touched him, but he couldn’t quite work up the nerve for that. Instead, he gently shook Shin’s shoulder.

No response.

“Hey. Shin.” Heath whispered, shaking him a little harder.

Shin just sighed deeply and grunted in his sleep. Finally Heath gingerly picked up his arm and moved it so that he could get out of bed. He hoped Shin wouldn’t mind if he used his shower.

 

Heath was getting dressed when Shin finally woke up.

“Hey,” Heath said. “Not a morning person?”

“Ugh.” The blond buried his face in his pillow.

“I used your shower. I hope that’s okay.”

Shin raised his head, rubbing his eyes. “It’s absolutely fine.” He paused. “You are _really_ pretty.”

Heath blushed slightly. He wanted to reciprocate, say something nice, because he liked him a lot, but couldn’t quite get there with Shin looking at him like that.

The blond tilted his head slightly. “Was… was last night okay? Be honest. If it doesn’t feel good, then I’m doing something wrong.”

Heath bit his lip and looked down, nodding. “Yeah. It was. Really good.” _It was fucking fantastic_.

Shin smiled and seemed to relax. “Good. I’m really glad.”

“Um… what about you?”

“What about me?”

“You didn’t… you know.”

“Oh.” Shin chuckled. “I don’t mind. I wanted to make sure you felt good first.”

“But I felt bad about that…”

“It’s fine,” Shin assured him.

They were both disappointed to have to part ways but Shin had to go to work. Heath waited while Shin showered and got dressed in a shirt and slacks. It made him look like an entirely different person.

“Where do you work?” Heath asked.

“A cubicle farm in a boring office. Don’t ask. It makes me want to blow my brains out.” Shin gave him a quick smile. “But that’s okay. I’ve recently found something that makes it all worth it.”

 

They walked to the train station together and after standing on the platform in silence for a while, surrounded by strangers all on their way to work, Shin spoke up.

“I’d really like to see you again.” He glanced at Heath sideways. “I’m down at Ladiesroom most nights, so if you decide to come back, don’t be shy, okay?”

Heath nodded.

The train pulled into the station and Heath was left with a funny feeling in his chest when Shin got on the train and the doors closed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [The Red Rain (instrumental)](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ya0aznsKxzxs04oozkot77P8sgTtiuJb)  
>  **Artist:** EXILE Takahiro X Tohsaka Hiroomi

Heath had to cover someone’s shift at work that night and just wanted to go home and flop into bed, but he was back at Ladiesroom the next night in his favourite leather pants and dark makeup, feeling nervous and excited. Shin was already there with the girl that he’d seen the last time they were there.

 

_She’s just a friend._

 

The girl spotted him first and she tapped Shin on the shoulder and tilted her head in Heath’s direction. When Shin turned to look, his easy smile faded. This made Heath feel awkward; was something wrong? But then Shin was reaching a hand out to him so he took it, and the girl was laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Heath asked, confused.

Shin was looking him up and down with an almost stunned expression. “You have the best legs I’ve ever seen.”

The girl looked appalled. “ _Excuse_ you. I thought you said _I_ had the best legs.”

“Not any more, Yuka,” Shin said absently.

“Rude,” Yuka declared, and then she grinned. “You’ve outdone yourself, Shin. Your new boyfriend is way out of your league.” 

There it was again. That word, _boyfriend_.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Shin said, glancing at Heath.

“Not yet,” Yuka said dryly. “Look at the way he’s blushing.”

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Shin said, smiling and pulling Heath up against him.

Seeing that Heath was a little uncomfortable, Yuka excused herself. “I think I’m going to leave you two alone. Be nice to him, okay, Shin? He’s way prettier than your dumb ass deserves.”

She offered Heath her barstool and he accepted it politely.

“Sorry about that,” Shin said with a small, apologetic smile. “Sometimes we can go a bit overboard with the teasing. You know when friends bring out the worst in each other?”

Heath thought about his own friends and nodded. “Yeah. But what are friends for?”

“Precisely.” Shin leaned over and said in a low voice, “You really are gorgeous, though.”

“Um, thanks,” Heath said, blushing and privately thinking that he was glad he’d made the effort to dress up a little more than usual. A little further down the bar, he caught sight of George, the bartender, behind the counter. The older man smiled: _I told you so_.

Throughout the night Shin had started to get the impression that Heath didn’t like public displays of affection so he didn’t try to kiss him, and except for the times when their hands accidentally touched, Shin kept his hands to himself. Instead, Shin shared stories of the stupid and funny things that had happened at work, like how someone was having trouble with the photocopier and a crowd had gathered around it, only to find that it wasn’t plugged in. Heath told him about the whole Misa thing, and how Masato and Ryo had dragged him down here in the first place.

“I feel like I should thank them,” Shin said, giving Heath a cheeky sideways look.

A few hours later they were both pretty drunk and leaving the nightclub when Shin pushed Heath into a nearby alley, kissing him roughly.

“What was that for?” Heath asked breathlessly.

“For coming down here looking like _that_ ,” Shin growled. His hand slid down past Heath’s ass and squeezed the back of his thigh. “Because if you’re trying to drive me crazy, it’s working.”

He took Heath by the wrist and together they strolled down to the main road until Shin was able to flag down a taxi.

As they sat in silence, Heath felt Shin’s hand creeping up his thigh, giving it a slow, firm squeeze. Heath sat very still, even when that hand crept higher. He snatched a quick glance at him; Shin was looking very nonchalant, staring out the window with his face cupped in his other hand. A younger, shyer Hiroshi might have tried to stop him but Heath just shifted his leg to give Shin more room. He glanced at Shin again; he had barely moved, but now he was smiling.

 

They had barely closed the door of Shin’s apartment behind them before they were all over each other.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Shin crooned, kissing and sucking at Heath’s neck.

In bed, he spent a long time making sure that Heath was comfortable and relaxed before slowly undoing his shirt and kissing his bare chest tenderly. His fingers made their way down to his jeans and he murmured, “May I?”

When he felt Heath’s hand on top of his, gently squeezing, encouraging, with a slight lift of his hips, Shin undid the fastenings and Heath moaned softly when a hand slipped inside. Shin handled him carefully, perhaps a little more slowly than Heath would have preferred at this point, and he brought Heath to pleasure with his mouth and hands. It wasn’t the first blowjob Heath had ever received, but it was one of the best, and he’d never had someone swallow before. The sheer intensity had Heath feeling weak and shaky all over when he came, and Shin held him close until he’d managed to catch his breath, kissed him sensuously and moved to get out of bed. This time Heath reached and touched his hand.

“Let me,” Heath said shyly.

Being on the giving end of a blowjob was weird at first but he enjoyed the effect that it had on the blond. He did his best to mimic what Shin had done for him, kissing and licking up his length, sucking gently. He was encouraged by Shin’s deep sighs of pleasure that escalated into desperate, shallow moans as he took him deeper, until the hand that had been stroking Heath’s hair tightened and Shin pulled himself away just moments before he came. He looked almost happy enough to cry.

Once he’d regained his composure a little, Shin cleaned himself up before pulling Heath into his arms and dragging the covers over them both. He held Heath tightly, pressing little kisses into his hair.

Heath laughed. “You’re suffocating me.”

“Sorry,” Shin mumbled, loosening his hold only very slightly.

“Are you okay?”

Shin didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and when he did, his voice wavered. “I- I think I’m in love with you.”

 

The rest of the night was spent kissing for what felt like hours and falling in love.

 

* * *

 

Shin gave Heath a spare key to his apartment so that he could come and go as he pleased. When he wasn’t working the afternoon-evening shift at Paranoia, Heath would let himself in just before Shin would arrive home from work, and they’d spend the night together, kissing and fooling around and getting each other off. Tonight Shin was working late, though, so Heath picked up the phone and called Masato and Ryo. Masato sounded tired and flat; they needed some extra cash, he explained, so he’d taken a few shifts at the same bar Ryo was working at, on top of studying for exams.

Ryo jumped in. “Yo, I tried calling you last night but you weren’t picking up!”

“Oh, umm... I wasn’t at home,” Heath mumbled.

“Oh. Where were you?”

There was no avoiding the topic and Heath told them all about what was going on with Shin (well, maybe not _all_ of it). Just as Ryo gleefully asked when they were going to “do it,” the front door opened and Shin walked in, tugging off his tie and loosening the top two buttons on his shirt. He stopped when he saw Heath glance at him, red in the face and stammering down the phone.

“Sh-shut up Ryo, you’re being stupid,” Heath blurted out.

Masato agreed. “Yeah, that’s a bit personal, don’t you think?”

They chatted for a little while longer until Masato couldn’t stop yawning, and Shin joined Heath on the sofa for a cuddle.

“What was that all about?” Shin asked.

“Oh, it was just Masato and Ryo.”

“I worked _that_ part out already.” Shin gestured at his face. “I meant the blushing and babbling.”

“N-nothing, Ryo was just being dumb,” Heath said quickly.

Shin chuckled. “Okay then. Anyway, I was thinking of taking you to dinner Thursday night. You know, like a date.”

Heath’s eyes lit up for a second and then he frowned. “I can’t,” he said. “I’m working that night.”

“That’s okay,” Shin said with a shrug. “Another time.”

“But you could come visit me at work,” Heath suggested.

Shin smiled. “I might just do that.”

 

* * *

 

Heath was in the musty-smelling store room when the old wooden door at Paranoia squeaked on its hinges. He heard his coworker Nov chatting with a customer.

“Hi. Um, is Heath working tonight?”

“Heath? You mean Hiroshi?” There were footsteps on the carpet and Nov poked his head into the store room. “Hey, someone’s asking for you.”

Heath followed Nov out to the shop floor, unable to contain a smile. Shin smiled back.

“Friend of yours?” Nov asked amicably. “‘Heath.’ Nice nickname.”

“Thanks. Nov, this is Shin. Shin, Nov.” Heath left Nov at the counter and took Shin aside. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“You said to come visit, so I did.” Shin gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and moved along the shelves, browsing through the second-hand section.

Behind the counter, a bored Nov yawned. “Hey, Hiroshi. Do you mind locking up tonight? There’s only half an hour until closing and I wanna sneak off a bit early and see my girl.”

“Go on ahead,” said Heath. “I won’t tell the boss.”

“Thanks,” Nov said gratefully. “I promise I’ll make it up to you next shift. I’ll get you that ice cream you like, too.”

Heath laughed. “Get outta here, dumbass.”

Nov grabbed his bag and let himself out, his jacket dangling from one arm. Shin watched him disappear down the street before tugging Heath onto the floor behind the counter. They kissed lazily for a while until Heath shook his head and murmured, “Wait. Wait here.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Shin protested.

“I’ll be back soon.” Heath grabbed his wallet and keys, turned out the foyer lights and locked the door behind him.

Shin grumbled. The record player crackled softly; the Deep Purple album that was playing had finished, so he got up and changed the record. He was almost at the end of the first side when a key jiggled in the lock and the door squeaked open.

Heath joined him on the floor, reaching into a plastic bag and handing Shin a can of Strong Zero. He cracked open a can for himself and paused to listen to the music. “Nice choice. I love KISS.”

With the door locked, they sat in the dark listening to music for hours: KISS, Deep Purple, the Beatles, Iron Maiden, Mötley Crüe. Heath sighed when a gentle hand brushed across his face and stroked his hair.

“Shin?”

“Yes?”

Heath slowly sat up and drew his thumb over Shin’s lips. “Kiss me.”

Shin’s hand made its way from Heath’s shoulder to the back of his neck, pressing their lips together, the darkness heightening every touch. Shin’s other hand squeezed at Heath’s hip, making him shiver in anticipation and he shifted into Shin’s lap, straddling him, slowly grinding against him like they’d done dozens of times before—it just felt natural by now—and Shin made a growling sound in his throat as their heated play became more intense, their breathing heavier with the desire to be more intimate and closer than ever.

“I want you,” Shin whispered into their kisses. “I want to fuck you so badly.”

 

That night was the first time they had sex.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Nov - Paranoia (vocalist)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Crazy About You](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1F0i_RF4-6qxVVYie2brvXMrqIzbF1aLK)  
>  **Artist:** Luna Sea

It had hurt at first. Even with Shin taking the utmost care with him, it had hurt, and it didn’t help that he’d been nervous as hell. The closest they’d come to actually fucking was a couple of nights ago, both of them naked for the first time, grinding against one another and it felt so fucking good to be so close and feel Shin’s hot, hard length against his own. Now Shin was reaching for a condom in his wallet and Heath realised that this was actually happening. They were really going to do it.

“We can stop if you like,” Shin had said, sensing his apprehension.

Heath wanted it and told Shin as much, but that didn’t stop him from being nervous. They lay on the threadbare carpet like that for a little while with Shin easing himself in, stroking Heath’s hair, giving him the sweetest kisses until Heath began to relax and become accustomed to the feeling of having Shin inside him.

“Is this okay?” Shin whispered. “Try to relax; it won’t feel good if you don’t relax.”

Heath bit his lip, glad that Shin couldn’t seeing him wincing in the dark. “Yeah. Do it.”

Shin twitched inside him, making Heath giggle and relax a little more.

 

Then Shin moved.

 

“Oh _god_ —!”

“Does that hurt?”

Heath shook his head and he dug his fingers into Shin’s shoulders, pushing his hips up with a needy whine. Shin took this as an invitation and fucked him slowly, very shallow thrusts at first that made Heath dizzy with pleasure, and just as he was getting used to the feeling, Shin gave him more of himself.

“God you feel so fucking _good_ , Heath,” Shin moaned.

All Heath could do was whimper and gasp with incoherent words falling from his lips while Shin continued moving inside him so agonisingly slowly, so deliciously, and they both cried out in pleasure when Heath raised his hips to meet Shin’s, moving his body against each thrust like a bloody natural.

Shin chuckled breathlessly in between each gasp. “You… keep that… up… and I won’t… last… much lon…ger…”

Through glazed, half-lidded eyes Heath gazed up at Shin’s dark form on top of him and pulled him down, kissing him hard, biting at his lower lip. “Shin— Shin, fuck I’m—”

He felt so goddamn good that he was almost sobbing, and he bucked his hips when Shin’s hand closed around him. Heath arched off the floor and came so hard that he felt like he might pass out, spilling himself all over Shin’s hand and himself, and Shin also found his release a few thrusts later, burying himself deep inside his lover, his hand digging into Heath’s thigh. He felt tired and weak enough to collapse and his limbs were shaking like crazy but he slowly pulled out, not bothering to remove the condom just yet, instead spoiling Heath with kisses over and over again, murmuring, “I love you, god I love you Heath, you’re mine, all mine…”

 

* * *

 

They spent as much time together as they could, listening to rock music, drinking, smoking, kissing, fucking, head over heels in love. Heath often stayed at Shin’s apartment, although they also spent the odd night at Heath’s. He had a bass guitar from when he, Masato and Ryo used to jam together in high school, and Shin loved to watch him play. Then one evening Shin found Heath’s knives and, after seeing Heath show off a few slick tricks with a butterfly knife, wanted to learn a few himself.

“What is it with you and knives, anyway?” Shin had asked when he’d gotten sick of dropping the blunt training knife a million times. “Some kinky sex thing?”

Heath laughed. “No. I just think they’re beautiful.” He twirled a butterfly knife through his fingers while he spoke and barely needed to look at what he was doing.

Shin sucked in his breath. “That’s… kind of hot.” He looked at Heath with a little glint in his eye. “Ever thought about using them during sex?”

Heath closed the knife and let his hands drop into his lap. “Like knife play?”

“Yeah.”

“No. I love you. Why would I want to hurt you?”

 

A couple of months into their relationship, two very important things happened. The first was that the lease on Heath’s apartment was up.

“You should just move in with me,” Shin suggested.

“R-really?”

“If you want to, I mean,” Shin hastily amended. “You don’t have to. It’s just an idea. You know. Maybe it’s a bit early to be asking you to… and it’s not a big apartment, but I thought, you know, maybe…” Shin shrugged feebly and looked away, embarrassed.

Heath pondered on this for a few minutes. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”

And so Heath told his landlord that he wouldn’t be renewing the lease, and they spent the next weekend moving Heath’s belongings to Shin’s apartment. Yuka had a car so she happily ferried them back and forth, and they celebrated on Sunday night with beer and yakisoba, until Yuka left when the boys started getting amorous.

 

The second thing that happened was that Shin was offered a better position at work, which he accepted immediately.

Heath was surprised. “I thought you hated your job.”

“I did, but now things are different,” Shin said. “It means there’s more money to spend on us. And now that I’ve got you to come home to, somehow the job doesn’t seem so bad.”

 

They’d been delighted to discover that they shared a fondness for motorcycles and this further convinced them that they were made for each other. They saved up their money and bought a couple of cheap, run-down Hondas and spent their evenings that spring tinkering with them. Heath had a friend who was a local mechanic, who sometimes helped them out. With summer coming up, the days got longer and they enjoyed riding their motorcycles together in the warm evenings.

 

Later that year, Shin suddenly announced that he was going out, alone.

“Where are you off to?” Heath asked, curious. They went almost everywhere together.

“Just got an errand to run,” Shin said very vaguely. He gave Heath a quick kiss. “I’ll be home tonight, don’t worry.”

Shin came home that afternoon with a bandage on his arm and the biggest smile on his face.

“Shit! What happened? Are you all right?” Heath rushed to his side, worried.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Shin said, still smiling broadly. “I’ll tell you later.”

He locked himself in the bathroom while Heath fretted over this strange injury, and then the blond emerged, showing off his new tattoo.

“What do you think?” Shin beamed, flexing his arm for effect. The tattoo, still red and blotchy, read _Heath_ in a beautifully flowing shaded script.

“You idiot,” Heath said, trying unsuccessfully to hide an elated smile. “You know that’s forever, right?”

Shin lowered his arm and looked at him with a serious, earnest expression. “So are you.”

 

Shin was immensely proud of his tattoo and was fastidious with its care. He kept saying he couldn’t wait until next summer when he could wear short sleeves and show it off. Shin’s friends had all teased him about how infatuated he had to be to have his boyfriend’s name tattooed on his arm, but they all agreed that they made a good pair. They were young, in love and living in the moment, and life simply couldn’t get much better than this.

December came and went, and Ryo and Masato visited from Tokyo to celebrate a drunken Christmas with them at a karaoke bar. In January, Heath turned 20 and Shin surprised him with his favourite chocolate cake; nothing fancy, just something from a grocery store, but to Heath it tasted like a million bucks. In February, just a couple of weeks shy of their first anniversary, Shin died.

 

* * *

 

Heath was poking around in the fridge when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

A friendly and overly-polite voice on the other end said, “This is the local police station. May I speak with a member of Suzuki Shinichiro’s family?”

Heath froze for a second. Had Shin gotten into trouble? He wasn’t given to reckless behaviour, although one time he had gotten drunk and swiped a silver ring because Heath happened to mention that he liked it.

“Sir?” the police officer prompted. “Are you Suzuki Shinichiro’s family?”

“I’m um… yes.”

“I’m glad we were able to reach you. I’m afraid we have some very bad news…”

Heath didn’t remember a lot of what was said. All he remembered was slowly putting the phone down and then stumbling outside. Upon reflection he was both glad and lucky that his wallet was in the pocket of his jacket, otherwise he never would have the presence of mind to grab it on his way out. An older man had flagged down a taxi; when it pulled over, Heath shoved him aside and got into the taxi himself.

The man was furious. “Hey, I was here first!”

The taxi driver turned to say something, but reconsidered when he saw that the young man in the back was pale and shaking. The driver waved an apology to the other man, who threw up his hands and stalked off down the street to find another ride.

“Are you all right? Where can I take you?” the driver asked Heath.

Heath stared hollowly at the middle-aged taxi driver. “The hospital,” he said hoarsely. “Please.”

 

Seeing him in his state, the hospital staff had been very kind and quickly ushered him in to see Shin. The police officer who had called him was there, along with a couple of doctors. Heath stood there, staring at Shin’s battered body. He was unconscious, hooked up to life support, and they had fitted him with a stiff plastic neck brace. _Massive head trauma even with a helmet_ , someone said. His face had been cleaned up somewhat but even so, it was badly swollen and bruised, and his once-blond hair was dark and matted with blood. He was deathly pale beneath the bruises.

Somewhere in the background Heath heard the police officer’s muted voice saying that the road had been slippery from light rains and they believed it was a hit and run, and they would do everything they could to find the culprit. Heath was so stunned that he allowed the police officer to steer him out of the ER and to the waiting room while the doctors operated.

 

‘Hit and run’.

It looked like the car had gone _through_ him.

 

When a maternal, middle-aged female police officer put a friendly, comforting hand on his shoulder, Heath burst into tears. She rubbed his back soothingly.

Eventually one of the senior surgeons approached them, looking very sombre. They couldn’t stop the internal bleeding and Shin’s body was close to giving up. The doctor had stripped off his latex gloves and held Heath’s hands. Heath would always remember those hands feeling very warm, strong and compassionate. The doctor asked if he would like to see Shin one last time and say goodbye.

Heath stood there numbly, before he turned around and slowly left the hospital. He walked to the nearest train station and boarded the first train that arrived, sitting at the far end of the carriage, crying the whole way home. He wasn’t even sure were home was any more.

He woke with a start when he felt himself falling, and he realised someone was shaking his shoulder.

“Are you all right?” the train conductor asked.

Heath rubbed his eyes just stared at him, disoriented.

“This is the end of the train line. The train terminates here.”

He looked around. The train was empty.

“Are you all right?” the conductor asked again. “Do you need me to call someone to come and get you?”

Heath stared at the floor for a second and then shook his head. He had no-one.

 

The baffled train conductor watched the devastated young man slowly gather himself up and step out onto the train platform, and Heath just started walking.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Young Heath](https://i.imgur.com/rqD1fXP.png)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Fall To Pieces](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1FIJaeV4wnOfIE5C5i6bMegiiWTGN4wxN)  
>  **Artist:** Velvet Revolver

**OSAKA**

 

“Hiroshi.”

 

No answer.

 

“Oi. Hiroshi.” More insistent this time.

There was a long-suffering sigh. “It’s _Heath_.”

Okumoto chuckled around the cigarette in his mouth. “Pass me the torque wrench, will you?”

Heath reached into the old, dented toolbox and took the torque wrench, weighing it in one hand and giving it a bit of a twirl before handing it to the old mechanic. It was a little too heavy and unbalanced for tricks but he liked that he could do it with just about anything long and thin. Okumoto took the wrench and and absentmindedly muttered a thanks.

Following Shin’s death, Heath had left everything in Amagasaki and moved to the big smoke in Osaka. He rented a tiny apartment to live in and quickly found a job working with the fatherly old mechanic. It kept him busy, he enjoyed the work, and the money was enough to cover food and rent and still have a little left over. He’d been in Osaka for just over a year and during this time, Heath had helped Okumoto work on cars ranging from ordinary family vans to a vintage Ford GT. The new Lancer Evos were pretty cool, too; a lot of guys his age liked to race and drift in them, and some of them came to Okumoto for new tyres. Currently they were working on fixing a Skyline but what Heath was really interested in was the Kawasaki that was collecting dust in the workshop.

 Every few weeks or so, Heath would casually ask about the motorcycle. “When are we going to do that one?”

Okumoto raised his eyebrows and Heath shrugged. “It’s just been sitting there for a while and you’ve never touched it.”

“That one’s a personal project,” Okumoto said. “This is work.”

  
The day was hot and humid, and the old man mopped up the sweat on his forehead with his sleeve and called for a break. Heath went to the little fridge to fetch a couple of beers, and they sat in the shade of the building, watching people and cars go by.

“You ever owned a motorcycle before, son?” Okumoto asked.

“Yeah. An old Honda.” He didn’t offer any more information than that. The less he thought about it, the less he would have to think about Shin.

“You should get one,” the old man said, lighting himself a cigarette.

They both watched as a yellow Ducati roared up and disappeared around the curve in the road.

“How about that one?” Okumoto said.

“Maybe,” Heath said noncommittally.

“Not with what I pay you, eh?” the mechanic chuckled. “But one day.”

Heath just nodded vaguely in response.

Okumoto tapped the ash off into his empty beer can. “Are you still hanging out with those bosozoku boys?”

“Mm. Sometimes. What of it?”

Okumoto grunted. “They’re bad news. I’ve told you. You don’t need to get mixed up with them. You’re very bright. You don’t need them.”

“You worry too much, old man,” Heath said. He held his beer can in his right hand and spun a very sharp butterfly knife in his left, showing off a little. He couldn’t hold a pen in his left hand to save his life, but when it came to knives, either hand was as good as the other.

“Son,” the old mechanic said. His expression was serious. “Listen to me. Don’t go there. I know you’re not afraid of them, but when push comes to shove, if you go down that path there’s no coming back. I’m only saying this because I care about you. You’re a good boy. I don’t want you to have to use that.”

Heath just waved off Okumoto’s concern. Truth be told, he was fond of the old man, which was why he tolerated being called ‘Hiroshi’. But at this point in his life, he was too young, too rebellious, and his heart too broken to care.

He’d come across the local bosozoku gang headed by Takasaki Akira some months ago and would occasionally hang out with them as an outsider more than anything else. It was a welcome distraction from the routine of work-sleep-work-sleep. Occasionally Akira’s three cronies Masayoshi, Minoru and Naoto would try to pressure him into joining the gang in terrorising the local neighbourhood with their noisy motorcycles and reckless driving, but he always brushed them off. He didn’t have a whole lot of respect for them or Akira; they were too concerned with appearances, too busy _trying_ to be badass to impress girls and junior members of the gang eager to gain favour with Akira. A lot of the other guys were much nicer.

Heath had a personal issue with Akira as well: his girlfriend Chiharu clearly fancied Heath and, naturally, Akira didn’t like that the tall, good-looking new guy had his girl’s attention. Not wanting to stir up trouble, Heath made a cursory effort to keep his distance from Akira and Chiharu. If she happened to speak to him, he would behave the same way with her as he did with everyone else: polite but aloof.

 

“Hiroshi.”

Heath was brought out of his reverie by Okumoto’s gravelly voice. “Yes?”

“Why don’t you finish early?” Okumoto said, dropping his cigarette butt into the empty beer can by his feet.

“You sure?”

The old mechanic nodded. “It’s too hot to be working. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Heath stretched his legs and got up, tossing his own beer can into a nearby bin. “See you tomorrow, old man.”

  
That evening, Heath wandered down to Loudness, the local livehouse where budding rock and metal bands went to make their mark in the Osaka music scene. He was enjoying the music and the cheap beer, until the last set: the crowd surged and screamed when the band played a fast, heavy song, and the people in front of Heath jostled him hard, spilling his beer.

“Shit, sorry!” The guy in front of him tried to use the sleeve of his baggy red top to wipe some of the beer off and then spluttered when his long red hair got caught in his mouth.

“It’s fine, I’ll just go to the bathroom,” Heath shouted to him over the music.

“WHAT?” The red-haired guy cupped a hand behind his ear.

Heath pointed. “ _BATHROOM!_ ”

He shouldered his way to the bathroom and wet some paper towels to wipe the beer off his t-shirt and arms. When he opened the door, the guy in red was there waiting for him.

“Sorry about that,” he said apologetically. “Can I buy you another beer?”

“Oh, um, no it’s okay…”

“I’m hide. Nice to meet you! Are you from around here? You sound like a local. I need to kill a couple of hours. Know any good places to have a drink?”

Heath was caught off guard by how upfront hide was in making friends with a complete stranger, but he took his hand and shook it firmly. “I’m Heath. I know a few good bars a couple of block—”

“Great!” hide said, grabbing a bewildered Heath by the arm and hauling him to the exit. “Which way? Left, right, up, down?”

“Uh, left… hey, wait—!”

hide dragged Heath down the street and into the first bar that caught his eye. Before Heath quite knew what was happening, hide was ordering drinks for the both of them.

“Humour me,” hide said with a quick smile, lighting a cigarette. “You can’t expect me to drinking alone, can you? That’s just sad.”

 

It turned out that hide was the kind of person who was difficult to say ‘no’ to. Every time Heath made an excuse to go home (it’s late, I have work tomorrow, we’ve had enough for one night), hide effortlessly goaded him into staying for another drink. At the back of his mind, Heath knew that he’d be in for a nasty hangover tomorrow if he kept going for much longer, and this was sure to raise old Okumoto’s eyebrows, but this was probably the most fun he’d had since moving to Osaka. Tomorrow would be tomorrow’s problem; tonight he was having a good time.

“Do you live around here too?” Heath asked.

“Nah. I’m just in town for work,” hide said.

“What sort of work?” Heath asked. With hide’s bright red hair and eccentric style, he could hardly be a travelling salesman.

“Oh, you know, I’m a contract killer,” he said blithely, winking.

Heath laughed. It was hard not to like hide. He was very friendly and affable, if a bit strange; he smoked like a chimney and had an impressive tolerance for alcohol.

“Yup, it’s my superpower,” hide said proudly.

“Superpower?” Heath chortled.

“Yeah. Everyone’s got a superpower. I once knew a guy who was a treasure trove of useless information. Couldn’t remember his own phone number if his life depended on it, though.” hide leaned across the bar counter and looked Heath in the eye with a cheeky, almost conspiratorial look. “What’s your superpower, Heath?”

“Uhh, I don’t think I have one…”

“That’s a lie,” hide declared. “There’s got to be that one thing that you’re awesome at.”

“Well... I can do this,” Heath said, and pulled out the butterfly knife from his back pocket.

Wide eyed, hide watched Heath pull off some basic knife tricks. “No _shit_. Your superpower is fucking awesome.”

“Oh um, not really,” Heath said, a little embarrassed. “It’s just practice—”

“No no, you don’t get it,” hide interrupted. “You’re doing this mostly drunk and you haven’t sliced your fingers off. Don’t tell me you can do it with _both_ hands.”

“Yes…”

hide drained the rest of his beer and pointed a finger in Heath’s face. “You. I like you. Look, I have to go but don’t be a stranger, okay?” He raised a hand. “Hey! Barkeep! Got a pen?”

One of the bartenders handed him a ballpoint pen and hide scrawled his number on a paper coaster with a little drawing of himself.

“Thanks for keeping me entertained. Call me next time there’s a cool gig, or if you wanna go drinking, or if you need help.”

“If I need help…?” That was a weird thing to say. Heath looked up from the paper coaster in his hands but hide was already out the door in a blur of red.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Takasaki Akira, Yamashita Masayoshi, Niihara Minoru, Shibata Naoto - Loudness


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [When You Say...](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1CReOUg_QekJWhvImEPUAiEOslhbnmnSP)  
>  **Artist:** Oblivion Dust

“Hey. You.”

 

Heath had been chatting to a couple of juniors and outsiders of the gang when he felt a rough hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked down at Akira, and then blinked when he saw his girlfriend Chiharu standing behind him meekly.

 

“Think you’re a big shot, do you?” Akira growled. “Coming in here and doing what you please?”

Heath was confused for a second, and then he sighed inwardly. Akira must have seen Chiharu talking to him again and gotten jealous as usual. “Cut it out, Akira. We were just talking. I’m not interested in your girl.”

Chiharu looked like a kicked dog when he said this, and Akira’s scowl deepened.

“I’ve told you before,” he said, jabbing a finger in Heath’s chest. “Stay away from her.”

“Piss off, asshole,” Heath said coldly.

Around them, the crowd of teens and twenty-somethings fell silent. They’d never heard anyone talking back at Akira like this before and the tension was palpable as they waited for his reaction.

“What are you going to do?” Akira sneered.

“Akira,” Chiharu begged him softly, tugging at his sleeve.

He ignored her. “Around here, you’re nobody. You ain’t shit, _Heath_.” Akira spat the name out and gave Heath a shove in the chest.

Heath gripped his wrist with one hand and flicked open a butterfly knife in the other. A few of the onlookers gasped and murmured amongst themselves; others grinned and elbowed each other, eager to see a showdown between Akira the tough guy, and this tall, slender pretty boy.

Akira’s eyes narrowed at how easily Heath handled the knife and he hesitated.

“I said _piss off_ , Akira,” Heath repeated.

The two glared at each other until Heath let go of Akira’s wrist.

Akira turned and eyed the ring of spectators. “Go on, get the fuck outta here!” he shouted, and then he grabbed Chiharu’s arm roughly. “And what the fuck are you doing, talking and flirting with every second guy you see, like a whore?”

Chiharu just stood there in sullen silence with her head bowed timidly, and then someone else from the crowd spoke up.

“Leave her alone, Akira. She’s a big girl. You don’t own her. She can talk to anyone she likes.”

All eyes turned to the speaker, another tall, thin guy standing off to one side, a cigarette held between his fingers.

Akira stalked up to him and jabbed a finger in his chest threateningly, just as he had done with Heath only moments before.

“You’d better watch your fucking mouth, Issay,” he snarled. He seized Chiharu by the wrist, bustling through the little crowd with his three comrades in tow.

Issay just raised an eyebrow and watched them leave, and now that the drama was over, the semicircle of spectators also dispersed.

 

Heath shook his head and was about to leave when he saw Issay approaching him.

“Hey,” Issay smiled. “It’s Heath, isn’t it?”

He nodded.

“I liked the way you made him back down like that.”

Heath just shrugged. “Whatever. That Akira’s all bark and no bite.”

“Someone definitely needs to take the guy down a peg or three,” Issay agreed. “He’s way too full of himself.”

“Uh-huh,” Heath said, folding up his knife.

“Do you mind…?” Issay looked at him questioningly, gesturing at the knife.

“Oh, not at all.” Heath handed the butterfly knife to him. “Just be careful. It’s sharp.”

Issay nodded and very slowly opened the butterfly knife, holding it up to the light. “It’s beautiful.”

Heath smiled.

  
Heath and Issay became fast friends from that day on. They still hung out with the bosozoku but their mutual dislike for Akira and his pals meant that they never took it too seriously. Sometimes Issay would visit Heath at work and they would have fun chatting and exchanging silly stories and bad jokes with the old mechanic. Okumoto knew very well that Heath tended to be a loner, so he was pleased to see that his young protégé had someone his own age to socialise with, other than the deadbeat biker guys.

They frequented a local izakaya not far from Okumoto’s garage. The beer and gyoza were good and the place was small enough that it didn’t get too noisy. On one particular night they had had a little more to drink than usual and since Heath lived nearby, Issay walked him home, one arm slung around his shoulders, laughing and joking together. Just as Heath was about to turn and unlock the door to go inside, Issay leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

 

It was the softest little kiss, delicate and sweet and so unexpected that Heath felt like his heart had stopped.

 

The two of them stood there looking each other until Heath turned and went inside, and Issay continued on his own way home, and not a word was exchanged.

 

* * *

 

“Hiroshi.”

 

Heath didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. He and Okumoto were both under the chassis of a car with their hands covered in grime and engine grease.

“Is something bothering you?” Okumoto asked. “You’ve been very quiet these last couple of days.”

“Mmh.” Heath just grunted in reply. “Leave me alone, old man.”

Okumoto ignored him. “Not those bosozoku boys is it?”

“No.”

“Where’s your friend, Issay? Haven’t seen him in a couple of days either.” The old mechanic craned his neck to look at Heath. “Didn’t have a falling out, did you?”

“No,” Heath said a little more rudely than he meant to.

The two of them continued working on the car for a while, and Okumoto started humming a little tune to himself.

 

“He kissed me.”

 

Okumoto stopped humming and turned to look at him again, but Heath avoided his gaze so the old man went on with his work.

 

Finally Okumoto spoke. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you like it? Hate it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like him?”

“ _I don’t know_.” Heath snapped and immediately felt bad. “I never thought… I mean, I thought we were just friends. You know. I don’t… I don’t want to be with anyone. I don’t want to get mixed up in all that. It’s too complicated.”

There was a moment of thoughtful silence from the older man. “Have you been in love before?”

“Once,” Heath said a little bitterly. “It ended… badly.”

“Okay,” Okumoto said in a soothing, fatherly tone. Now he understood why Heath was such a loner. If he had been badly hurt, it was just easier to keep people at a distance and save himself the extra pain that came with letting other people close to you. 

“Maybe it’s nothing. We were drunk, so…” Even as Heath said this, he knew he was grasping at straws.

“Hiroshi— Heath,” Okumoto said gently. “You know what I’m going to say, right?”

“That I should talk to him?”

“Mm. Life is too short to lose friends over a misunderstanding.”

Heath thought about this and nodded mutely.

  
He thought about going down to the run-down warehouse where Akira and his crew tended to hang out, in case Issay was there, but somehow he could never bring himself to do that. He was still moping over this at work a few days later when he heard Okumoto shouting his name from the front of the shop.

“What is it, old man?” Heath grumbled, wiping his hands on a rag.

“Someone here to see you.”

Heath stopped short. “Oh.”

“Hi, Heath,” Issay said pleasantly. “How have you been?”

“I’m working up here, but you can take a break. Go out the back,” Okumoto said gruffly, giving him a rough pat on the shoulder.

Heath watched the old mechanic duck beneath a car, sighed and began walking to the back of the building with Issay following close behind.

 

Heath lit a cigarette and offered one to Issay, and they sat on the hard concrete ground, leaning against the wall, not talking for a long time, not even looking at each other. A light breeze snatched at the smoke from their cigarettes.

 

Eventually, Heath stubbed out his spent cigarette and dropped it into an old beer can that he and Okumoto used for cigarette butts.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly. “Do you remember what happened the other night?”

“When?”

“After you walked me home.”

“Oh. That.” Issay took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly. “Yeah. I do remember. I wasn’t _that_ drunk.”

 

There was another long silence and Heath lit another cigarette to give himself something to do. He gazed down at the little paper cylinder smouldering between his fingers.

“I’m really not looking for a relationship,” he said quietly. “Not with anyone.”

“Hah. Try telling Akira that,” Issay said flippantly, trying to lighten the mood.

Heath just gave him a wane smile.

Issay crushed the remains of his cigarette. “You know what, it was my mistake. I misread things and I guess I saw something that wasn’t there.” He looked at Heath sideways. “I just like spending time with you. Would that be unbearable?”

Heath said nothing. The cigarette burned.

Finally Issay stretched his legs and got up, dusting off the seat of his jeans. “See you tomorrow?”

Still sitting on the ground, Heath looked up at Issay silhouetted against the blue sky and bright afternoon sun.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Issay and Heath](https://imgur.com/a/xgTEy8w)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Samskeyti](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1om_BVscz9yYi7FK-qL0PDHWd6Z2IrzZg)  
>  **Artist:** Sigur Rós
> 
> (warning: smut)

Heath and Issay continued hanging out as though nothing had changed, but for Heath, everything had changed. He hadn’t realised how much he missed that kind of intimacy. That kiss had been so gentle and _nice_ that Heath couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially in that little space of time between going to bed and falling asleep. The moment when Issay said that he enjoyed spending time with him kept repeating in his mind, so Heath started looking for excuses to see him more often, to go drinking or to see a gig at Loudness, anything he could think of. He became very conscious of whenever their hands happened to touch, accidentally or otherwise, even though it must have happened a thousand times before. He loved it when Issay smiled or laughed, to the point where Heath began saying or doing things just to make him smile.

 

“Hey, wanna go see a movie tonight?” Heath asked him very casually one day. “My treat. There’s a new horror film that looks like it might be fun.”

Issay shook his head. “Sorry, tonight’s no good. I’ve got plans.”

“Cool. Just asking,” Heath said, trying not to feel too rejected. “What are you up to?”

“One of my best friends from high school is turning 21 so the boys and I are taking him out for drinks.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Wanna come?” Issay offered. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. They’re all really nice.”

“Nah. It’s okay. Have fun.”

 

Heath went to bed early that night and spent hours tossing and turning.

 

“How was your friend’s party?” Heath asked when he saw Issay over some yakitori the next night.

Issay laughed and put his drink down. “Oh it was fantastic. You should have been there. We went to this bar and some of the guys got really wasted, and then Hal—he’s the one whose birthday it was—took us to a strip club and this one girl had the most _amazing_ tits…”

While Issay recounted the stories of the _hilarious_ things Hal had said and done whilst intoxicated, Heath found himself growing increasingly irritated and restless. Hal was _such_ a funny guy, and Hal this, and Hal that, and why didn’t Issay just marry Hal if he was so freaking obsessed with him and stop making Heath feel so…

 

Jealous?

 

“Sounds like you had a really good time,” he interrupted, trying to stop Issay from going on about how awesome this Hal was.

“It was.” Issay glanced at him sideways and studied his expression. “Um, you know… it would have been better if you were there, too.”

God that made Heath’s heart hurt, but he masked it with a smile.

“Hey, how about we go see that movie tonight?” Issay suggested. “I’ll get the tickets this time. I feel a bit bad about ditching you.”

“Sure,” Heath said with a nonchalant shrug. “That’d be fun.”

They finished their drinks and paid for their meal, and Heath began to think that it wouldn’t be so fun to spend a couple of hours trapped in a movie theatre with Issay after all, now that he was pretty sure he had feelings for the guy. He wished that he’d said no but it was too late to back out now.

 

It was late and the only other people there were four older guys sitting a few rows down who seemed more interested in talking to each other and eating potato chips loudly than watching the movie. In the darkness of the theatre, Heath leaned on the armrest between them and let his hand ‘accidentally’ brush against Issay’s. When his friend didn’t react or move away, Heath gingerly closed his fingers around that hand. Issay glanced at him but Heath kept his gaze firmly on the screen. Issay smiled and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. They spent the rest of the movie holding hands, fingers entwined.

The other four guys in the theatre left when the credits rolled, but Heath and Issay stayed where they were, sharing a very tentative kiss.

 

 

“That was a pretty good movie,” Issay commented on the train home. “Except the guys down the front who wouldn’t shut up. Who pays good money to sit in a cinema and talk?”

“Yeah,” Heath said quietly.

Issay regarded him carefully. “You okay?”

Heath just nodded in response, and Issay thought it wiser to leave him be. The short walk from the train station to Issay’s apartment was made in silence; he unlocked the door and, after a moment’s hesitation, turned to kiss Heath good night but stopped when Heath balked.

Issay pursed his lips and looked hurt. “Look, I think you know how I feel about you. If you’re not interested, that’s fine, whatever, I can live with that, but please don’t jerk me around.” He brushed past and went inside but Heath stopped him from closing the door at the last second. Issay was annoyed. “Heath—”

“I’m sorry. I’m really not trying to mess with you,” Heath said haltingly. “It’s just that… I…”

Issay was surprised at how crushed he looked, and he floundered for a second. He sighed and opened the door wider. “Um… do you want to come in?”

Heath nodded and followed him inside and they sat down on the sofa together, not looking at each other.

“Heath,” Issay started to say and it melted into a moan when Heath kissed him.

It was very soft but quickly became heated and passionate. They were all hot kisses and roaming hands, grinding against one another, undoing buttons and zippers, practically tearing Issay’s t-shirt off over his head and tossing it aside, and Heath shivered at the way Issay touched him with firm, confident strokes, finally sinking onto his knees on the floor and taking Heath’s length in his mouth. Heath’s mind blanked and Issay licked and sucked and teased him before pulling away, leaving a thin layer of saliva over his dick.

Issay got up and leaned over him, his lips brushing against Heath’s ear.

“Fuck me,” he whispered darkly. “Hard.”

Overcome with lust, Heath bent him over the sofa, yanked his jeans down and had Issay groaning with need when he rubbed himself against him. It had been too long since Heath had experienced this kind of intensely raw pleasure; getting himself off was never as good as the real thing and he wanted to make it last. Heath took the time to play with him, teasing his cock at Issay’s entrance until he got so desperate that he began rubbing up against Heath like an animal in heat and he let out a very satisfied, shuddering moan when Heath finally took him and he fucked him hard, and small part of Heath’s mind thought that he might break him like this but there was no way they were going to stop, not when it felt this good, not when Issay kept moaning, “Yes, fuck _yes_ ,” and Heath bent over him, kissing and sucking at his shoulder and leaving a dark mark there while Issay moaned for him, it was all for him, and god it hurt to love someone again but at the same time it felt so, _so_ good that he just didn’t care.

 

They lay there on the sofa in a tangle of limbs, breathing hard from the exhilaration. Heath tucked his head into the crook of Issay’s neck and sighed deeply when he felt Issay’s hand stroking his hair. It felt nice but suddenly he felt compelled to laugh.

“What?” Issay asked lazily.

“Sex on the first date?”

“Oh, are we dating now?”

Heath raised his head and saw the cheeky glint in his eyes. “Were you _planning_ on getting laid tonight?”

“No,” Issay smiled slyly. “But don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking at me with puppy dog eyes all the time. You’ve been acting differently around me ever since we had that talk. I can tell that you’re jealous when I talk to other guys.”

Heath put his head down again. “Was it that obvious?” he murmured.

“Yeah. You were. But that’s not a bad thing,” Issay said more seriously. “Can... can I call you my boyfriend?”

“Hm. That sounds nice.”

“It’s nice for me, too,” Issay said. “That was the best sex I’ve had in a long time.”

He laughed when Heath gave him a playful shove. “Shut up, you fucking asshole.”

“You sure know how to fuck mine,” Issay purred.

They both burst into helpless laughter and Heath’s heart was full of gratitude for Issay. That they could love each other and laugh together was an incredibly powerful feeling.

 

The new lovers spent more time kissing in the shower than they did washing themselves, and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

 

They lay in bed side by side for a little while, the dark room dimly lit by the glow of streetlights outside.

“I’m sorry if I confused you before,” Heath said quietly. “It’s just that this is sort of… difficult for me. The last relationship I was in didn’t go so well.”

Issay propped himself up on one elbow and frowned. “What happened? Did they cheat on you?” His tone was accusing, displeased to hear that Heath had been hurt.

Heath shook his head. “I can’t talk about it. Sorry. It hurts too much.”

Issay was quiet for a moment and slipped an arm around Heath. “Hey. I hope you know I’d never do anything to hurt you,” he said softly.

Heath turned his head to meet Issay’s gaze. “Me too.”

They fell asleep with Issay cradled in Heath’s arms.

 

* * *

 

Despite Heath’s initial misgivings, their relationship bloomed and he felt lighter and happier than he had in absolutely ages. Okumoto was quick to notice the shift in his behaviour and commented on it one day.

“Have you been getting some ass?” he asked casually.

Heath was so astonished to hear the fatherly old man being crude that he nearly swallowed his cigarette.

 

Issay never asked about what had happened with Heath’s last relationship again. Whatever it was, he understood that it had taken a lot of courage for Heath to let him in after having been hurt badly, and that he was trusting Issay not to let him down. Issay took this responsibility very seriously; Heath finally realised this when Issay began turning down Hal’s calls to hang out. Heath had assured him that he really didn’t mind, and Issay had been quietly thrilled with this development because it meant that Heath really trusted him.

 

Over the next few months they gradually drifted away from the bosozoku, seeing less and less of Akira and his gang which suited both parties just fine, so it came as more than a surprise when they saw a girl staggering up to them while they were enjoying some quiet drinks at a bar.

“Is that Chiharu?” Issay muttered to Heath. “God, she looks awful.”

Her hair was a frizzy, tangled mess, her eyeliner was running, and her eyes were puffy from crying. Chiharu threw herself at Heath, bawling her eyes out. She reeked of alcohol. Heath exchanged a perplexed glance with Issay, who shrugged.

“What’s wrong?” Heath asked her.

“Akira,” she sobbed. “Akira… he…”

“Did he hurt you?”

“That _bastard_ …” she hiccupped. “...ch-cheating on me.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Issay rolled his eyes. “He’s not worth it, Chiharu.”

Heath agreed. “He treats you like crap. You’re better off without him.”

Chiharu looked at Issay with wide eyes, and then turned to Heath. “Y-you would nev-ver do something like that, w-would you?”

Heath firmly removed her arms from around his neck and held her at arms’ length. “You’re drunk, Chiharu. We’ll take you home.”

“No!” she sobbed. “What if _he’s_ still th-there with her? Can’t I go home with you?”

“No, Chiharu—”

“I’ve missed you, H-Heath. You haven’t been around for a while and I m-miss you.”

Heath was too startled to react when Chiharu kissed him full on the lips.

“Hey!” Issay said indignantly.

Heath grasped her by the shoulders and pushed her away. “Don’t.”

Chiharu drew in a shaky breath. Her bottom lip trembled. “Even you don’t want me,” she whispered.

“Go home, Chiharu,” Heath said firmly, and they turned away from her.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
> **Music:** [Anemone](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1osC5KrDBwZXps9g6AiqCktPqRdHMJ3nV)  
>  **Artist:** BAND-MAID

Issay and Heath thought nothing more of that incident with Chiharu; after all, she and Akira had always been sort of on-and-off, and it wasn’t a shock to learn that he’d been cheating on her. Not that they really cared; it wasn’t any of their business, and god knows how many people had already told her to leave him.

 

Heath was walking to the convenience store a couple of evenings later when he heard a low whistle and a jeering voice calling his name. God damn it. He drew a long-suffering sigh and turned around to face them.

“ _There’s_ the cheating asshole,” Akira smirked.

Heath cocked an eyebrow. “Funny. I heard the same thing about you, from your girl.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Akira growled. “You don’t know shit.”

“I don’t want to know,” Heath said curtly. “What you do is your own business. I don’t care.”

He turned to leave but stopped again when one of them shoved him in the back.

“I know all about what _you’ve_ been doing.”

Heath glared at him and caught a strong whiff of alcohol from Akira. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Masayoshi saw the whole thing.” Akira wore a cocky smile. “Think you can get away with kissing my girl? What, were you trying to have a threesome with your boy toy Issay?”

Heath was exasperated. “Have you even seen or talked to her? Because she kissed _me_ , you dumb fuck.”

“Bullshit.”

“Chiharu was upset and drunk off her face because she saw _you_ cheating on her.”

Akira glowered and then looked at Masayoshi, who stepped forward to give Heath a shove, but Heath caught him beneath the jaw and held a knife against his throat.

“Don’t deny it. I saw you,” Masayoshi croaked out.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. She came up to me and Issay and begged to go home with one of us, because she was afraid she’d see you with your new bitch. I didn’t kiss her; she kissed _me_ , and we told her to go home.”

Masayoshi swallowed nervously, and behind him, Akira clicked his tongue.

“You always hide behind your pretty, shiny knives,” he sneered.

“I’m not hiding,” Heath said coolly, and he pressed the knife against Masayoshi’s neck just enough to break the skin.

“ _Akira_!” Masayoshi’s voice was high and frightened.

“Come on, man, let’s just go,” Naoto muttered to Akira and gave his sleeve a tug.

Akira ground his teeth and angrily spat on the ground. Heath let go of Masayoshi, and the four of them stalked off, with Akira casting vaguely menacing looks over his shoulder.

 

Heath just drew an exasperated sigh and continued on his way to the convenience store for a pack of cigarettes. Issay was at a beach party with his old school pals tonight; Heath didn’t feel like being surrounded by loud, boisterous people so he’d arranged to meet up with Issay afterwards. He wandered through the streets and finally settled on a bookshop-café where he had a cold drink and browsed through some magazines. He loved spending time with Issay, but it was nice to have a little quality alone time knowing that Issay would be there for him that night. Not for the first time, he thought about how glad he was that he’d let himself fall in love again. Issay made it so easy; he was nothing but patient and understanding, and while Heath wasn’t naïve enough to think that Shin was watching over him and wanting him to be happy, he did come to learn that being with Issay didn’t mean he had to forget about Shin.

 

He was still thinking about this as he took the leisurely stroll down to the beach later that night and smiled when he saw Issay sitting on the sand alone with a can of beer in one hand.

 

Issay looked up when Heath sank on the sand beside him. “Hey,” he said. “Miss me?”

Heath leaned over and captured his lips in a gentle kiss. “A bit. Good party?”

“Mm. Not as good as it could have been. I saved one for you.” Issay held up another beer, smiling. “What did you get up to?”

Heath offered him a cigarette and lit it for him, cupping a hand around the flame. “Well, I bumped into that moron.”

“Which moron? You’re going to have to be a _lot_ more specific.”

“Akira.”

“Oh, our lord and saviour,” Issay said sarcastically.

“Yep.” Heath took a drag of his cigarette and watched the ash fly off in the salty wind. “Apparently Masayoshi saw Chiharu kiss me the other night. Now they think she’s cheating on him with me.”

Issay sniffed. “Well maybe she should find herself a new boyfriend to kiss instead of kissing mine,” he said peevishly.

Heath laughed.

“So what happened?”

“They tried to start shit but they pissed off eventually.”

“Nice,” Issay chuckled. “Never mind about them. It’s just you and me now and damned if I’m not going to kiss you good and proper.”

 

They kissed slowly for a while and just sat together for a long time, well past midnight, quietly enjoying each others’ company. Heath stretched out on the sand with his head in Issay’s lap, and he couldn’t stop smiling. It was peaceful here on the beach and Heath had started to doze off when he felt Issay shaking his shoulder and whispering his name.

“Huh?” Heath opened his eyes and blinked in the darkness, momentarily forgetting where they were.

“I think it’s Akira,” Issay hissed.

At the sound of his name, Heath sat up and followed Issay’s gaze. The streetlights nearby showed a dark figure staggering across the beach towards them and it did look like Akira.

Heath swore under his breath. “What does he want now?”

Akira was shouting something incoherent at them and it was clear that he was even more drunk than he was earlier in the evening, and he was _furious_.

“What did you say to her?” Akira shouted, standing over them. “What did you do?!”

“What are you talking about now?” Heath said wearily.

“Chiharu! She walked out!”

“Good,” Issay muttered, getting up and dusting the sand off his jeans.

“What did you say?”

“I said _good_ ,” Issay said, louder this time. “She deserves better than a piece of shit like you.”

“Fucking faggot…!” Akira hit Issay hard across the face and he reeled backwards, cursing. Heath retaliated in kind, seizing Akira by the front of his tshirt and landing a blow that sent blood gushing from his nose.

“Fuck off, asshole,” Heath snarled while Issay rubbed his cheek, glaring. “If Chiharu left you, it’s because you treated her like shit.”

“It was you!” Akira screamed. “You come in and fuck everything up!”

“ _You’re_ the one who fucked up, dumb piece of shit,” Issay snapped.

In Akira’s state, this only enraged him more and before Heath could quite grasp what was happening, Akira had grabbed Issay by the collar of his jacket, almost choking him. The drunken man pulled a gun from the back of his jeans and held it up for them to see.

Heath went cold all over. “Are you fucking insane?”

“Akira you crazy motherfucker!” Issay sounded angry and terrified.

“What?” Akira taunted. “Fair’s fair. You mess with my girl, I mess with your bitch.”

“I told you, Masayoshi misunderstood what was happening,” Heath said through clenched teeth. “Issay had nothing to do with it. Let him go.”

Issay glanced at Heath with a look of horror and swallowed hard.

“Come on, Heath,” Akira said with a chilly smile. “Why don’t you show me those pretty knives of yours?”

 

He cocked the hammer on the gun and Issay and Heath both froze.

 

“Akira, stop this right now—”

“Look at how _scared_ you are,” Akira said, feigning astonishment. 

“Fucking stop it, this isn’t funny!”

“ _Stop it_!” Akira repeated in a mocking tone.

“Akira, what do you want—” Issay started to say, and immediately shut up, cringing when Akira pushed the muzzle of the gun against the back of his head.

“ _Don’t_!” Heath screamed.

“You come in and you fuck everything up—”

“ _Please_ , Akira! _Put the fucking gun down!_ ”

“—you couldn’t just mind your own goddamn business—”

“Akira _please_! I’ll do any—”

“—and you take my girl, so maybe you’ll learn your lesson if I take your boy.”

Heath watched Issay raise his head just enough to look at him, his eyes full of fear, and then his whole body spasmed when the gun went off.

 

Issay sagged onto the ground when Akira let go of his jacket. A slow trickle of blood leaked into the sand.

 

Akira wiped his own blood off his nose and face with the back of one hand and pointed the gun at Heath. “You’d better watch out, pretty boy, or I’ll do the same to you.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Kimi ni sachi are](https://drive.google.com/open?id=17pdZvzuqH3NeDY_z9Fdo-g_PwWKJDx8I)  
>  **Artist:** MUCC

Through the windows of Heath’s apartment, the sun was coming up but he didn’t see it. He was slumped in bed with his face buried in a pillow, trying to process what had happened.

After Akira had left, Heath had knelt down beside the limp body of his friend and lover but his brain refused to acknowledge that it was Issay; it was just too crazy, too unreal, even when Heath touched his face and cradled his head in his lap. The sound of his own ragged breathing was swallowed up by the roar of the sea and the wind. He barely noticed the cold, foamy sea water lapping at them as it crept higher and higher up the shore.

He’d stayed there for ages, frozen in shock, until he heard the sound of approaching voices. He turned his head and listened intently. They sounded young and very, very drunk; probably a band of local teenagers sneaking out at 2am in the morning and getting wasted on cheap booze from vending machines like he used to do at that age. They probably wouldn’t notice him there, but he didn’t want to be seen at the site of a murder so he reluctantly left Issay on the beach and slipped into the shadows and went home.

 

When he turned on the lights, the first thing he saw was Issay’s blood on his hands. Disgusted, he stripped off and stood under the shower, letting the water pelt over him and scrubbing himself all over. The dried blood washed down the drain and he stayed there until the hot water ran out. He’d spent the rest of the time curled up in bed, clutching the pillow tightly with both hands. He hadn’t moved in hours. He hadn’t cried. He hadn’t slept.

The sun climbed higher as the day wore on, and still he lay there. It was only when his hunger finally got the better of him that he dragged himself out of bed in the late afternoon.

Heath slowly ate a slice of stale bread. It tasted like thin air. His gaze rested on the phone on the kitchen counter. Could he call the police? Somehow the idea seemed unappealing. The police had been kind but otherwise useless when Shin had died in the hit and run, and if he was honest, he wanted revenge, not justice. He wanted to break something. He wanted to hurt Akira, he wanted to make him scream and cry and beg.

 

He wanted to kill him. He wanted to fucking kill Akira.

 

The fridge hummed to life and Heath glanced over at it. A paper coaster with a little drawing on it caught his eye.

_Call me next time there’s a cool gig, or if you wanna go drinking, or if you need help._

 

Heath slowly picked up the phone and dialled hide’s number. It rang five times and a sleepy voice grunted, “Yeh?”

Suddenly Heath stalled. What was he meant to say? Help, my friend was murdered right in front of me?

“Hello? Is someone there?” hide asked, sounding more awake.

“I’m sorry, I… I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Hmm…? Oh! Is this Heath? From Osaka?”

“Yes.” Heath squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t know what to do.”

There was a short pause. hide’s voice dropped. “Has something happened?”

All Heath could do was take in a trembling breath.

“Did something happen?” hide asked gently. “Do you need me to come over? I can be there in a few hours if you need me.”

“Yes,” Heath whispered. He rested his elbows on the counter and covered his face with his free hand. “Please.”

“Sit tight and take care of yourself. I’ll see you soon.” He hung up.

 

* * *

 

Heath awoke to the sound of someone banging on his door and slowly sat up. His neck and back ached from having fallen asleep sideways on the couch. Outside, the sky was turning dusky blue.

 

When he opened the door, he was greeted by a shock of bright red hair.

“Good evening!”

Heath stared at hide groggily before everything came flooding back. He was too messed up to feel embarrassed about answering the door in just an old KISS t-shirt and boxers. “Thank you for coming,” he croaked.

“Don’t worry about it,” hide said. “I told you to call me if you needed help, didn’t I?”

Heath nodded numbly.

 

hide sat down and looked at Heath. “So, what happened?”

Heath took a deep breath and haltingly told hide about Akira, skating around the Issay thing as much as he could. He told hide that Akira had shot somebody, just not who. For some reason it felt as though he could deny that Issay was dead if he didn’t talk about him.

hide nodded patiently as he listened. “Takasaki Akira, you say?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. First things first, I want you to take a shower and get dressed. It’ll do you good,” hide said.

Heath obeyed. He didn’t know what else to do and it was helpful to have somebody else do the thinking for him right now.

When he returned, hide was just hanging up the phone. “Ready to go?”

Heath looked at him blankly. “...Go?”

 

They got into hide’s car and he took them for a short drive across town, parking behind a nondescript apartment block that looked just like any other.

“This is it,” hide said, peering up at the building.

“This is what?” Heath asked absently.

“Where we’ll find Akira,” hide said.

Heath blinked, confused. “How did you…?”

But hide didn’t appear to have heard; he was already getting out of the car and he stopped outside the door of one of the apartments.

“Looks like nobody’s home,” he said. The lights were out and nobody answered when he knocked on the door, so hide cast a quick look around and started picking the lock.

“You really look like you know what you’re doing,” Heath said. He was simultaneously impressed and mystified at what hide could do, and presently the lock clicked open.

The doorknob turned easily and hide smiled and bowed. “After you.”

 

The air inside Akira’s apartment was stagnant and musty, like he hadn’t ever cracked open a window. It smelled of cigarettes and marijuana, of greasy fast food and stale beer, of dirty carpet and cheap perfume.

Heath stood off to one side while hide flicked on the lights and started poking around the apartment.

“What are you doing?” Heath asked uneasily. What if Akira came home while they were still here?

“Just looking,” hide called from the bedroom, and Heath could hear him opening and closing cupboards and drawers. He wandered back out and flopped onto the stained sofa.

Heath hadn’t moved. “What are we doing?” he asked again.

“Waiting for Akira,” hide said simply. He patted the seat next to him. “Turn out the lights and lock the door, will you?”

 

They weren’t kept waiting for too long. The door swung open and Akira fell in with his arm around some girl, laughing loudly. In the darkness, hide and Heath watched their silhouettes bumping into walls as they giggled and fondled each other, before Akira finally reached for the light switch.

The girl uttered a little scream when she saw them.

Akira looked straight at Heath. “The fuck?”

hide got up and extended a hand, smiling blandly. “Hello! Akira, right? Pleased to meet your acquaintance.”

Akira stared at hide up and down, and then looked over hide’s shoulder at Heath. “Who’s this, your bodyguard?” he chortled.

Heath slowly stood up. “You killed Issay,” he said in a low voice.

“He was asking for it,” Akira sneered. “And it looks like you’re asking for it, too, if you came looking for trouble.”

He stepped forward but hide placed a firm hand on his chest and stopped him in his tracks. Akira glared at him and swatted his hand away.

“Sorry, buddy, but you aren’t laying a finger on my friend here,” hide said calmly.

“Piss off, freak,” Akira snorted and tried to shoulder past hide, only to be pushed back again, harder this time.

hide gave him a level look. “I’d honestly stop this if I were you.”

Akira raised his eyebrows. “Looks like your friend’s making trouble here,” he spat. “Do I have to beat the shit out of this one, too?”

“What happened to your face?” hide gestured at Akira’s bruised, broken nose.

Incensed, Akira threw a punch but hide caught it with surprising ease, following through with a blow to Akira’s stomach. The girl squeaked and Heath clapped hand over her mouth before she could scream.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed.

She whimpered when she felt the knife digging into her ribs and nodded vigorously, her eyes wide and frightened.

Clutching his stomach, Akira spat. “Fucking bastards.”

Heath felt his heart lurch when Akira drew his gun and pointed it at hide, but hide just looked down and said, “Cute Glock. Where’d you steal it?”

In one swift movement he twisted the gun out of Akira’s hand and bashed him across the head with it.

Howling in pain, Akira staggered sideways and collided against the wall while hide ejected the magazine, decocked the hammer on the gun and racked the slide. The round inside the chamber popped out, dropping into the kitchen tiles with a metallic _clink_. He shoved the now unloaded gun down the back of his pants and looked down at Akira cringing on the floor.

“Don’t play with toys you don’t understand.” hide turned to Heath. “Let’s go. He’s not worth it.”

Stunned, it took Heath a second to process what he was saying. He let the girl go and followed hide outside.

“What _are_ you?” Heath asked, curious to know what else hide could do.

hide just gave him an odd smile and got into the car.

 

Back at Heath’s apartment, hide made himself right at home, poking his head into the fridge.

“You’re not afraid to pull a knife on someone, are you?” He cracked open a can of Coke and looked at Heath with an inscrutable expression while he drank.

“No,” said Heath.

“You’ve got guts. I like that,” hide said. “C’mon, let me treat you to dinner.”

“No…” Heath protested. “I should be buying _you_ dinner. It’s the least I can do. I owe you one.”

hide insisted on paying, though, and although Issay’s murder still weighed heavily on Heath, hanging out with hide again helped to take his mind off the matter temporarily.

 

After dinner, hide walked Heath home.

“I’d love to stay and keep you company, but I have to get home. If anyone else gives you trouble, just call ol’ hide, okay?”

Heath fidgeted with the rings on his hands. “I really can’t thank you enough for… well, everything.”

hide gave him a quick hug. “You take care. See you around!”

 

The night brought him restless sleep and Heath called Okumoto the next morning to say that he needed a few days to himself. When the old man asked if he was all right, he said he wasn’t feeling well. Best to spare him any unpleasant details. He mostly spent his time lying in bed or on the sofa, thinking that Issay would still be alive if he had never gotten involved with him. But then they wouldn’t have had all those wonderful moments together, either. Early on in their relationship, they’d been sitting on this very sofa together, and he’d caught Issay looking at him.

“What’s up?” Heath had asked.

“Mm. Nothing,” Issay said. He rested his head on Heath’s shoulder and smiled.

This train of thought went round and round until one evening the phone rang. This puzzled him for a moment; nobody ever called him. He pushed himself off the sofa and gingerly picked up the phone.

“Hey, buddy, I was starting to think you weren’t home! You gonna make me jump in the car and drive over there?”

Heath was baffled. “hide?”

“Yeah! Just thought I’d check up on you. You know, see how you’re coping and everything.”

“I’m okay,” Heath said listlessly. “Just… tired. All the time.”

“That’s no good,” hide said sympathetically. “It’s a big shock to see someone die in front of you, I know. Give it time. If you need to talk to someone...”

“Mm.” Heath wasn’t in any mood for platitudes.

hide seemed to get the hint. “Hey, so I was talking to my boss and I was wondering… what are you doing these days? Are you looking for a job?”

“What? Uhh, not really…”

“Want a new job?”

Heath hesitated. “What sort of job?”

“It’s in Tokyo. Nice bar in Ginza. The gig’s pretty hard work but the pay is very good. I think you’d fit right in.”

“I already have a job,” Heath said. “Thanks, though.”

“Look, just think about it, okay? Call me if you change your mind. We’d love to have you.”

 

Days later it occurred to Heath that he had never given hide his address or his phone number, yet the man apparently had no problem contacting him. hide had even known where to find Akira. This further stirred his curiosity about what kind of person this hide really was.

He kept thinking about what hide said. _Nice bar in Ginza_. Masato and Ryo were in Tokyo, too. He’d lost contact with them when he left Amagasaki and he missed them. Akira was unlikely to bother him any more; Heath had seen him once, but Akira had taken one look at him and slunk away like a beaten dog with its tail between its legs. Heath enjoyed working with Okumoto, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that there was nothing keeping him in Kansai.

 

Two weeks later, he slipped a note with a wad of cash under Okumoto’s door, packed up his life in duffle bag and boarded a train bound for Tokyo.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Piano Duet](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1th48bPzhof5_35oaqRuzlrA2dJYgiDTJ)  
>  **Artist:** VAMPS

**TOKYO**

 

Heath would always remember his arrival to Tokyo, because it had rained almost nonstop for a week. He stayed with hide until they were able to find a suitable apartment for him, and hide was a gracious host, offering his new friend the bed while he slept on the sofa. He was a pretty good cook, too, if the only thing you wanted to eat was curry.

hide told Heath that he’d be working with him at a bar in Ginza called The Underneath, with three others as well as their boss, Yoshiki. His first visit to the bar had been a little perplexing. It was built under street level, and you had to go inside an antique store and down a flight of steep wooden stairs to get to the bar. How the hell were customers supposed to find their way in?

The bar itself was beautifully furnished with a lot of dark, polished wood and leather. hide had said that they pay was very good and it would have to be, by the looks of things. Not a lot of people could afford this kind of real estate, especially not in Ginza. Whatever they were running here, it had to be exceptionally profitable. Surely you don’t make this much money just serving drinks and bar snacks.

Before Heath could mull on this any further, he was taken straight through the building to an office where he sat through a lengthy interview with Yoshiki and Toshi, his right hand, answering lots of seemingly unrelated questions: do you have any family, is there anyone you would trust with your life, have you ever broken the law, what’s your level of fitness, what would you do in this situation? Heath answered each question while he slowly built an idea of what they actually did behind the façade of the bar. Organised crime, and some serious shit at that.

“Do you have any questions for us?” Toshi asked.

Feeling that he had nothing to lose, Heath decided to test the waters and ask them straight up. “Yes. Who or what are you, exactly? At first I thought you were Yakuza but you don’t look like anything like them.”

Yoshiki and Toshi exchanged a glance and Heath thought he detected a small smile between them.

“No,” Toshi said. “And interviews aren’t really part of their hiring process.”

Hunched in his seat with his legs crossed, hide said, “I’ve already told you what we are.”

“When?”

“When we met in Osaka.” hide gave him a shrewd smile. “You thought I was joking.”

Heath sat very still. His heart beat rapidly. “You’re contract killers.”

“We are. Our clients pay us a lot of money to kill people. It could be a high-ranking politician, could be your sweet old grandmother. It doesn’t matter who, the only thing that matters is completing the job.”

Three pairs of eyes looked at him steadily, watching for any signs of uncertainty.

Finally Yoshiki said, “Well? Are you in or are you out?”

Heath raised his gaze to meet Yoshiki’s. “I’m in.”

“Good,” he said crisply.

 

After the bar closed for the night, hide introduced Heath to everyone formally. Besides being Yoshiki’s right hand, Toshi kept everything, including the bar, in line and most of their assignments came through him. Toshi could also find out almost anything about anyone. That must have been how hide had found him, Heath thought.

“Next is Pata. Started out as a hotshot sniper back in the day. He’s our firearms expert,” hide said. “Got a favourite gun? He can get it for you.”

Heath shook hands firmly with Pata and inclined his head politely. “What about knives?”

Pata smiled. “Of course.”

Finally he was introduced to a blond man with tattoos, a cowboy hat and face full of contempt. Taiji looked straight past Heath and asked hide, “Where’d you find this pretty boy? A host club?”

“Osaka. I accidentally spilled his beer on him at a gig,” hide said amiably.

“He’s just a kid.” Taiji eyed Heath critically and chewed on the filter of his cigarette. “He looks like he doesn’t eat enough.”

hide shrugged. “I think he has a lot of potential, and Yoshiki wouldn’t have brought him on board if he didn’t think so, too.”

When they shook hands, Taiji gripped his hand very hard and Heath returned the favour. He was more than familiar with guys like Taiji and he refused to be intimidated. Taiji just grunted.

 

Aside from Taiji, Heath got along with everyone well enough. Toshi became quite fond of him, treating him like a younger brother, frequently taking the time to ask if he was okay, or how his training was going, or to let him know if he needed anything. Pata was a bit gruff at first, in a way that reminded him of Okumoto, the old mechanic. Yoshiki had quiet, calculating air about him, although Heath had heard that their softly-spoken boss was an uncompromising perfectionist and could have a mean temper when things didn’t go his way.

He was given a thick contract to read and sign. There was a strict probation period of 12 months. The first six months he would spend in intensive training: sitting in on business meetings with Yoshiki and Toshi and learning how the business was run, as well as accompanying Pata, hide and Taiji on their assignments. Then in the last six months, if he were deemed competent, he’d have the chance to be assigned his own jobs under supervision.

For obvious reasons, secrecy was of the utmost importance. This wasn’t an occupation to be entered into lightly; this was likely for the rest of their lives, however long that should be, and it was heavily implied that the consequences for major fuckups would be severe. Heath wasn’t daunted by this though. This was his life now, and to mark this new chapter, he bought himself a new watch with his first pay; nothing too flashy, just a tasteful piece in brushed black and silver stainless steel.

The first six months of his probation were very hard work. In addition to learning to be a competent bartender and working late nights most days of the week, he had all of the meetings on top of following hide, Pata and Taiji on their assignments. They were very different; hide’s specialty was poison so there was a lot of stealth work and time spent observing their target’s day to day behaviour, looking for the right opportunity and figuring out which poisons would be best for the job. Heath was amazed to learn how complicated it was to kill someone with poison, but it made sense. You couldn’t just slip rat poison in someone’s coffee and call it a job well done.

In contrast to hide’s covert methods, Taiji’s approach was physical and direct. They’d spend relatively less time observing their target and often Pata and Taiji would work together, dispatching their target with a shot to the head or by breaking their neck, or dragging them back to The Underneath to be interrogated if the job called for it. He even sat in on a few of Taiji’s brutal interrogations in a concrete room beneath the bar. Heath only saw one person leave the room alive after Taiji had extracted the information from them. The guy ended up throwing himself off a bridge two days later.

 

Early on, Toshi had told him that a good bartender had to have a signature drink. hide’s was the Pink Spider, a concoction of his own that was bright pink, sweet and devilishly strong with a sharp bite to it. Pata and Taiji both chose classic drinks and in that same vein, Heath chose the Rusty Nail. It was good, strong drink that was deceptively simple with only two ingredients, and he painstakingly worked on making the perfect Rusty Nail. Even Yoshiki had to admit that it was the best Rusty Nail he had ever had.

“What’s your signature drink, Toshi?” Heath asked.

“Oh, I don’t have one,” he said.

“But you said…?”

“I know, but…” Toshi chuckled. “I can’t actually drink much. I’d fall asleep after two drinks. Ironic, I know.”

 

The meetings with Yoshiki and Toshi were very boring at first, but in time, this taught Heath who the people were in this field, whom he could and couldn’t trust, and where people stood in Japan’s hierarchy of organised crime. Heath never said anything during these meetings, just sat and listened, learned and observed.

“Good to see you again, Fujiwara,” Yoshiki greeted a client, shaking his hands warmly. “How is your lovely wife?”

“She’s very well, thank you for asking,” Fujiwara answered, smiling broadly, and Heath caught Toshi’s eye. There was a mark on Fujiwara’s hand where his wedding band normally sat.

 

Taiji went especially hard on him during combat training. The guy was tough and Heath was always exhausted and battered afterwards. Once, Taiji gave him such a beating that he limped for a week, but he took it all as valuable experience. Part of learning how to kill was learning how _not_ to be killed.

Pata was a much calmer, more patient teacher but that didn’t mean Heath was never hurt during training. The first thing Pata did was to take him out to a grassy field, away from town, and he handed Heath a Kevlar vest.

“Go on, then. Put it on,” the older man said.

Heath did as he was told and looked at Pata uneasily.

“Ever been shot before?”

“No.”

“Good,” Pata said, and pulled the trigger.

Heath was knocked flat onto his back almost before he heard the deafening gunshot, winded and groaning, the impact reverberating through his bones. Fuck, that had _hurt_. It felt like being punched in the chest with a sledgehammer

“First lesson: how to take a bullet.” Pata stood over him, grinning. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

He extended a hand out and helped Heath to his feet, coughing and spluttering. They undid the Kevlar vest and Pata told him to hold out his hand.

“Lesson two: don’t get shot,” Pata said, dropping the spent slug in the palm of his hand.

Heath threw the damned thing across the field as hard as he could. Pata laughed.

 

hide saw Heath in the bathroom at The Underneath inspecting the big purple bruise on his ribs a couple of days later.

“First lesson: how to take a bullet,” hide said, mimicking Pata's voice.

Heath gingerly pulled his shirt back down, wincing. “Did he do this to you, too?”

“Oh, yeah,” hide said carelessly. “It was sore for weeks! I think the bastard cracked a rib.”

“You deserved it,” Pata said, walking past with a case of gin in his arms.

“Hey!”

 

Under Pata’s guidance, Heath developed excellent gun skills. He practiced diligently on his own a few times a week, though he still preferred the savage beauty of knives, so Pata sourced a variety of them for him to choose from. He already knew how to handle knives, but Taiji’s training taught him how to master them.

 

In January, five months into his probationary period, Heath made his first kill. He had just turned 22.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Killing Strangers](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1HUID6hOCiPwIbH69BspSe_nljmTrvCxj)  
>  **Artist:** Marilyn Manson

The bar had closed for the night and Heath was alone in the back room, cleaning and inspecting his gun and knives. Pata, hide and Yoshiki had already left. Heath heard Toshi and Taiji quietly talking in Yoshiki’s office. He wasn’t someone who cared to listen in on other people’s conversations and this time was no different, until he heard his own name coming up. Soundlessly, he got up from his chair and edged closer to the door with his back pressed flat against the wall.

 

“—told him?” Toshi asked.

Taiji snorted. “No. You think you can prepare someone for their first time killing another human?”

“He’ll do fine.”

“Eh.” Heath could almost hear the shrug in Taiji’s voice. “He works hard and learns fast, I’ll give you that. But the kid’s too soft for this. Hell, even his name is soft, don’t you think?”

“I like it. It’s a nice contrast, you know, like Guns N’ Roses.” Toshi paused to take a drink and Heath heard the ice cubes settling in his glass. “Why don’t you like him? He’s really nice once he opens up.”

“‘Nice’ is the exact opposite of what we need. He doesn’t have the balls. He’s a good bartender, but he’s no murderer.”

“I don’t know about that,” Toshi said mildly. “Granted, I can only go off what you and Pata and hide report, but I think he might surprise you. You know what they say about looking out for the quiet ones.”

“Hm.” Taiji snorted again.

 

They changed the subject then, and Heath went back to his work.

 

Taiji never mentioned anything to him, of course, but several days after that, Heath received a call from the man asking him to come down to The Underneath early.

“Read this,” Taiji said, handing him a manila folder.

Heath recognised it as an assignment file. Inside was a collection of bits and pieces relating to the job: a few photos of a girl in her teens plus one family photo, a couple of photos of an unrelated man in his thirties or forties, and photocopies of newspaper articles spanning a few years. The man had allegedly kidnapped, assaulted and murdered the daughter of a wealthy family some 9 years ago. Nobody had ever found her body and the police had been worthless as usual, so the man had walked and the case had gone cold. The girl’s father had poured a lot of money into trying to solve the case and bring the man to justice, all to no avail. Eventually the desperate and heartbroken father resorted the only thing that he could think to do.

Once Heath was done reading, Taiji snuffed out his cigarette and motioned for him to come downstairs. Inside, the man from the photos was securely tied to a sturdy steel chair. He was out cold, and his face was swollen and bloody.

Taiji smacked the unconscious man over the back of the head. “Here’s our guy. You’re going to finish the job for me, kid.” 

Heath nodded.

“Hey.” Taiji slapped the man’s face lightly with the back of his hand. “Wake up.”

The man twitched and slowly opened his eyes. When his eyes focused on Taiji crouched in front of him, he immediately started to struggle against his bonds. “Wh-what the… get away from me!” His eyes locked onto Heath. “Help me! This guy’s crazy! Help!” His voice was raw from screaming.

When Heath made no move to help him, the man’s eyes widened in confusion and fear.

“No hard feelings, bro,” Taiji drawled. “Just doing our job.”

Heath watched as he screwed a silencer onto the end of his gun. “Nobody’s going to hear a gunshot from down here.”

“We’re in a solid concrete room,” Taiji said bluntly. “You wanna blow your own ears out, kid, be my guest.” He held the weapon out to Heath, grip-first. “All right. Do it.”

Taiji watched him carefully to see how he would react. A part of him hoped that their young trainee would hesitate or refuse or even royally screw up, and that he would be proven right.

The man looked at them both with his mouth open and began to struggle against his bonds. “No… no no no _no no!_ ”

Heath looked down at the gun and he _did_ hesitate; Taiji allowed himself a little smirk until Heath walked behind the man and pulled his head back by his hair, and nice, soft, quiet Heath had the balls to look Taiji straight in the eye and slice the man’s throat clean open.

 

* * *

 

hide had been ecstatic when they reported to Yoshiki. For one, Heath had succeeded in making his first kill without freaking out. Secondly Taiji had been caught in a spray of blood, which he was somewhat less than pleased about, but hide thought it was hilarious. 

Toshi put his hands on his hips and looked Taiji up and down. “What in god’s name happened to you?”

Taiji scrubbed at his arms with a wet towel to get the worst of the blood off. “We’ve been working,” he said brusquely. “Would you call someone to get rid of the stiff downstairs?”

“Of course.”

“You! Clean up that goddamn mess!” Taiji shouted at Heath, and he stomped off to get changed, moaning to Pata about his oldest Harley Davidson t-shirt being ruined.

“Come on, I’ll help you,” Toshi said, trying not to smile.

 

Yoshiki invited Heath to stay at his penthouse suite across town for a week. He told him it was because he was impressed with his progress and he wanted to get to know Heath better. This was not strictly untrue, but Yoshiki mainly wanted to keep a very close eye on him. This was the _real_ test of his mettle: everyone rode on adrenaline after their first kill, but it would take a few days for reality to set in. It was known in their field that most would go completely nuts, while others enjoyed the kill a little _too_ much, and people from either category were of no use. Like Taiji, Yoshiki had harboured a few reservations about this quiet, almost shy young man’s ability to kill another human being, and he watched Heath out of the corner of his eye as he went about his day to day work. When he wasn’t talking about life and work with Yoshiki, Heath kept himself occupied with training at the gym, or in Yoshiki’s library, diligently studying anatomy or cocktail recipes, and flicking a knife in one hand the way other people played with pens.

The last six months of his probation were a little easier; he attended far fewer meetings with Yoshiki and Toshi, and now that he was an excellent marksman, he spent less time training with Pata. He was assigned to two supervised jobs; he was very slow and cautious with the first one, but he approached the second one with a lot more confidence, showing that he was more than capable of handling the job on his own. It briefly crossed his mind that he might be ordered to kill an innocent person but for some reason, Taiji’s words had stuck with him: _no hard feelings, just doing our job_. He understood that they were being paid to kill, not to pass judgment.

The end of summer that year was also the end of Heath’s probation, and he celebrated in his own way: he bought himself a motorcycle, a slick Kawasaki like the one in Okumoto’s garage. It made him think back on the old mechanic, urging him to get a motorcycle of his own, on warm summer afternoons spent laughing and joking with Issay, on the weekends spent with Shin, tinkering with their old Hondas, and that reminded him of someone else as well.

 

Toshi looked up from where he sat at Yoshiki’s desk when Heath knocked on the door one night.

“Do you have a minute?” Heath asked.

“Of course.” Toshi motioned for him to sit, and Heath sank into one of the comfortable leather chairs. “You passed probation, by the way, if you hadn’t already figured that out. Sorry, I meant to tell you earlier and maybe do something to celebrate but I’ve just had so much going on...”

“That’s okay. If you’re busy, I can come back later…” Heath started to get up but Toshi waved him back down.

“No, no. Talk to me. Is something on your mind?”

“Well,” Heath said. “I was wondering if you could help me find someone.”

 

* * *

 

In the busy streets of Shibuya, Heath entered a bar called Revolver, looking around carefully before approaching the counter. He immediately spotted his old friend there, busy chatting to a customer. Heath waited patiently until he was done, and then waved him over.

Masato stared at him for a good five seconds before his face broke into a huge smile.

“Hey Taka,” he shouted at one of the other bartenders. “Cover for me, will you?”

The dark-haired Taka nodded and Masato rounded the bar counter and pulled Heath into a tight hug. “Oh my god. I thought you’d disappeared off the face of the planet,” he mumbled into Heath’s shoulder. “How is everything? What are you doing here in Tokyo?”

They retreated to a quieter corner of the bar where Heath gave Masato a brief rundown of what had happened in the last three years: moving from Amagasaki to Osaka, working with the old mechanic, hanging around the local bosozoku for kicks, meeting hide and being convinced to move to Tokyo. He skirted around certain details that were too painful to bring up. In turn, Masato told him about how the original owner had wanted to sell the bar, so after graduating from music school, Masato and Ryo teamed up with the two other bartenders, Taka and Masaki, and bought the business off him.

“God, can you believe it’s been three years?” Masato said with a long sigh. He gave his friend a sidelong glance. “Hey are you still seeing that guy you met in Amagasaki? He was nice. What was his name…”

Heath set his drink onto the table very slowly and deliberately, avoiding Masato’s gaze. “Shin. No. Didn’t work out in the end.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. You couldn’t have known. Shit happens.”

“Tell me about it. I was going out with this girl for a few months and she broke it off because I was too busy with school and work,” Masato said. He waved a hand dismissively. “Whatever. I think she was a bit high-maintenance, anyway.”

“Mm,” Heath said.

Noticing that the mood had taken a little downturn, Masato tried to change the subject. “Who would have thought that both you and I would end up as bartenders in Tokyo, huh? Five years ago I was _positive_ I’d be in an orchestra or in a band.”

“It’s pretty crazy,” Heath agreed. “Where’s Ryo? Does he still work here?”

Masato finished off the last of his cigarette and nodded. “He’s got tonight off, but wait till I tell him you’re here. He is going to flip his _shit_.”

Heath laughed and stubbed out his own cigarette. “I should let you get back to work.”

“Okay, but come ‘round again, all right? It’s been too goddamn long. I miss having the three of us hanging out like we used to back in the day.”

 

Heath began visiting Revolver on his nights off from working at The Underneath. On top of getting to spend time with his old friends again, it was a nice change of pace to be on the other side of the bar counter. He, Masato and Ryo exchanged cocktail recipes and sometimes they did a little experimenting together. It lifted his spirits somewhat, and for a time he thought that this was what he had been missing all along, but it wasn’t. There was still a little part of him that remained empty.

 

One night, Ryo approached him with a shit-eating grin.

“This is for you,” he said, handing Heath a drink.

“Thanks but I’ve still got this,” Heath said, motioning at his gin and tonic.

“Oh, it isn’t from me.” Ryo put an arm around Heath’s shoulders, pointing him to the left. “This is from _her_.”

It took Heath a few seconds to work out who Ryo was pointing at: a very pretty girl who looked absolutely ravishing in a tight, strapless black dress, smiling coyly at him.

 

Heath accepted the drink and smiled back at her.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Amends](https://drive.google.com/open?id=17u7pRUKRSGNJUwRbWPMQ5Iuo1Y7JEQXM)  
>  **Artist:** Garbage

She had a great body; soft curves in all the right places, long, shapely legs, and breasts that, while perhaps a little big for his tastes, were nice and pert. He fucked her hard until she screamed, and then after a short break, she crawled on top of him for round two and moaned delightfully while she rode him. She loved the attention, lapped it all up, and she gave him everything but when he kissed her, he felt absolutely nothing. After they were done, he flushed the condom down the toilet and she watched with a disappointed expression as he got dressed to leave.

“Aren’t you going to stay?”

Heath looked down at her coolly. “No.”

Another time he caught the eye of a good-looking guy and did the same thing. It became a little game for him, picking up pretty girls and boys for a one-night stand, and sometimes in the dead of night while he lay in bed beside his latest catch, he thought that perhaps it was a bit cruel to use them like this, but he didn’t really care, either. These pretty young things were easily seduced by his little white lies and they would let him do almost anything to them if they thought that this charming and beautiful stranger could love them.

Before long, though, he grew tired of their whims and their need for affection and validation that he couldn’t give them. Meaningless sex was just meaningless sex. It dawned on him one night when he picked up a blonde girl of about 19 or 20, and took her on her hands and knees in an expensive hotel room. She had a nice firm ass and was moaning wantonly for him while he fucked her from behind, and when he was done, it didn’t feel nearly as good as it should have.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she groaned, looking ever so satisfied. “You can do that to me _any_ time, gorgeous.”

Heath got up off the bed feeling a little disgusted with himself. He disposed of the spent condom and took a long, scalding shower and when he came back, the blonde was curled up in bed, smiling flirtatiously at him.

“Why don’t you let me take care of you, now?” she purred.

Wordlessly, Heath picked up her clothes off the floor and tossed them onto the bed.

The girl looked confused, then hurt, then angry. “What? Is that it? You bring me here just to fuck me and tell me to piss off?”

“What did you expect when a stranger buys you a couple of drinks and takes you to a hotel room for the night?”

“I’m not just some whore for you!” the blonde snapped.

Heath looked down at her. “I wasn’t going to pay you,” he said flatly.

That _really_ set her off but Heath ignored her and started getting dressed, going back to the bathroom to retrieve his watch while the girl continued screaming at him. God, her voice was annoying. She wasn’t even that pretty, now that he thought about it.

“What? Don’t have anything to say, asshole?” she demanded.

Heath buttoned up his shirt loosely, slipped on his jacket and pocketed his phone and wallet. “You can stay here if you like. The room’s paid for. I’m leaving.”

 

It had been a good distraction for a while but the thrill and fun of it had worn off. So now he sat at the bar at Revolver, drinking to get drunk.

Eventually Masato snatched the glass out of Heath’s hand and handed it to Taka in exchange for a glass of water.

“What’s wrong with you?” Masato demanded, his brows furrowed in concern.

Heath just looked at him with an empty weariness.

Masato sighed. “Taka, tell Ryo I’m taking Heath home.”

 

Heath let Masato bundle him into a taxi and didn’t protest when his friend took his wallet and removed his licence briefly to give the driver his address. Getting him up two flights of stairs was tough but he managed somehow, and once they were inside, Heath crawled onto the sofa and shut his eyes.

Masato sat on the edge of the sofa beside him. “So what’s up with you coming down to my bar and breaking everyone’s hearts?” he chided.

He meant it as a light joke, but Heath looked up at him with empty, glassy eyes. “Sorry. If you want me to stop coming to Revolver, I will. I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. ”

“What? No, I didn’t mean that, I just… I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“It’s not your concern.”

“Hey,” Masato frowned. “I don’t know what’s going on with you lately but I’m worried about you, okay?”

“Why?” Heath muttered.

“What do you mean, why?” Masato demanded. “Because we’re friends, Hiroshi! We’ve been friends since we were eleven years old! You and me and Ryo! Friends look out for each other because we care about each other!”

Heath said nothing and just turned away.

“Just… fucking _talk_ to me!” Masato said, frustrated. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me!”

“You can’t help.”

“Why not?”

“ _Because they’re dead!_ ”

“What are you fucking talking about?” Masato shouted. “Who’s dead?”

“Remember Shin, that nice guy from Amagasaki? He’s dead, Masato!”

Masato stalled. “He… what?”

“I didn’t go to the funeral. I don’t even know if there was a fucking funeral.”

“Hiroshi—”

“And Issay, I met him in Osaka, _he’s_ dead. Do you know how? Shot in the fucking head _because of me_. That’s why I’m in fucking Tokyo, bec—” He stopped abruptly.

“Because what?”

“Never mind.”

“Never mind _what_?!”

“Just forget about it.” Heath turned away.

Masato stood up and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Heath, I don’t understand, I feel like we’re just going around in circles!”

Heath avoided his gaze. “Please just go,” he said in a low voice.

“No,” Masato whispered, dropping to his knees. “I don’t want to leave you alone like this.”

“Masato, _please_? I just need some time alone to think.”

“But…”

Heath forced a smile. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

Masato studied his face carefully. “Really? You promise you won’t do anything stupid?”

“Yes.” Heath nodded.

It took a lot of convincing but Masato reluctantly agreed to give him some space. After the door closed behind him, Heath sank back onto the couch with his face in his hands. After a while, he reached for the butterfly knife at his hip and unfolded it slowly.

 

Heath deliberated on this for a couple of days and then went to Toshi to ask about taking some personal time off work; not much, probably just three or four days to get out of his head. Toshi readily agreed.

 

* * *

 

Akira was drunk and alone.

 

After Chiharu had left him, he’d managed to convince her to come back and she had… until she’d come home to find him in their bed with some 18-year old girl. He didn’t remember much at the time, just a lot of screaming about how he was cheating on her again, and Chiharu started throwing and breaking things. Then she slapped the other girl and there was even more shrieking, and Akira had laughed as he watched the two girls, one of them stark fucking naked, clawing at each other and trying to pull each others’ hair out. Then they had turned and screamed at _him_ , as if it were all his fault. In the end, Chiharu had grabbed a couple of bags, filled them with some of her things and left for good, slamming the door behind her.

Akira had never told anyone what had happened with Issay and Heath, but his boys were quick to notice the change in his demeanor. He wasn’t the same Akira and gradually this filtered down to the rest of his bosozoku gang. He finally caught on when some of the junior members of the gang started talking back and laughing at him. Nobody was afraid of him any more, he realised, and even Masayoshi, Minoru and Naoto were looking at him differently. For all his aggressive posturing, Akira had very thin skin and it didn’t take much of this public humiliation for him to disappear from the gang altogether. The last he’d heard, Masayoshi had taken over as their new leader and people actually seemed to _like_ him.

The final nail in that coffin was when he’d spotted Chiharu holding hands with Naoto. He’d yelled out Chiharu’s name, hoping—no, _expecting_ her to meekly return to his side and beg for him to take her back. All that had happened was that they both turned and when they spotted him, started walking faster and disappeared into the peak hour crowd at the nearest train station. Backstabbing bastards, the both of them. Akira should have seen that one coming. Naoto had to have been eyeing Chiharu for a while and was just biding his time. In fact, now that he thought about it, Naoto had probably been ratting him out to Chiharu about those girls he’d been screwing on the side, to make him look bad and win favour with Chiharu. And Chiharu… she’d always had a history of flirting with other guys. It was all so clear now. Those two ungrateful sluts deserved each other. Akira didn’t care. They could screw each others’ brains out and cheat on each other all they liked. He was done with them. He was done with everybody.

And here he was with no friends, no girlfriend and no followers. He was about to lose his apartment, too, because he’d missed so many shifts at his shitty-ass construction job that they had to ‘let him go’. He couldn’t scrape up enough money to pay the last three months’ rent even after he sold his motorcycle. Whatever. He was a smart guy, he’d figure something out.

He heaved himself to the front door of his apartment and fumbled for his keys. The key slid halfway into the lock and got stuck. He pushed harder, jiggled it around, tried the rest of his keys, rattled the doorknob. Fuck. Was it jammed? No, that bastard landlord must have changed the locks. What a fucking asshole. Why was everyone against him?

Akira ended up slumped against the side of the building, finishing off the rest of his beer. Most of it dribbled down his chin so he wiped it off with his sleeve. He looked up when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps and squinted in the darkness to see who it was. The person walked up and crouched right in front of him.

“You look like shit, Akira.”

The voice sounded familiar and it stirred up old feelings of hatred and resentment. It was that fucking bastard who was always trying to steal his girl and acting like he owned the place. What the fuck was this guy’s problem, anyway?

“Where the ffuck did you come from?” Akira growled.

“Nowhere,” the person said. “What happened to your crew? No Masayoshi, no Naoto, no Minoru?”

Akira just snorted.

“...no Chiharu?” The man’s tone was mocking.

“Fffuck you.” Akira bristled at this. Why couldn’t this asshole just leave him alone? Why did he always have to come in and ruin everything? Come to think of it, shit started going sour the very day this bastard showed up. Everything had started because of him.

Akira stood up, swaying a little, and his unwelcome visitor got up as well. God he wanted to hit the guy, wipe that smug fucking smile off his smug fucking face. Akira took a step forward, wobbled, and the other man caught him before he fell. He wanted to shove him away but the bastard was strong. A gloved hand, smooth and cool to the touch, clamped tightly over his mouth and nose.

He heard a low voice in his ear saying, “This is for Issay, you son of a bitch.”

Akira felt a sharp, sharp pain pushing into his back and it twisted a little in his insides. It hurt more than anything he’d ever felt, and it kept going, and he screamed and screamed but no sound came out, he could barely breathe. Then the hand let him go and his legs gave way beneath him. Through the blur of alcohol and pain, he was vaguely aware that the person was still standing there, watching him die.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Music:** [Rest in Peace and Fly Away](https://drive.google.com/open?id=15LyHXWX6e9hDAlA9nm9ebPSni536pB7f)  
>  **Artist:** Sugizo

Heath sat at a café at the train station, reading the paper with his headphones in to drown out the bustle of hundreds and thousands of people on their morning commute to work. There was a small article on page 8 about a man finding the dead body of his troublesome neighbour, right by the dumpsters. Police concluded that the 24-year old victim was the target of an unfortunate mugging gone wrong. He had died of a deep stab wound to the back, the coroner said, that had resulted in rapid and massive blood loss. So far it wasn’t believed to be linked with another tragic case from a year ago, where a young man’s body had been found on the beach, having been shot in the head, likely a victim of gang violence. Police urged everyone to exercise caution and to travel in groups at night where possible...

 

Heath checked his watch: 10 minutes to go until his train. He finished his coffee, neatly folded up the newspaper and strolled down to the platform going back to Tokyo.

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, Heath arrived at The Underneath a little earlier than usual to open up. Toshi was already there doing some figures, so Heath greeted him and asked if he could help.

“No, it’s all right. I’ve got this,” Toshi said without looking up from his notebook. “How was Osaka?”

 

Heath froze. He hadn’t told anyone he that he was going anywhere.

 

Toshi glanced over his shoulder at him with a serious look. “I won’t tell Yoshiki or the others where you went or what you did. I’m just asking you not to do it again. I know you’ve learned a lot and you’re very good, but it’s still dangerous. For you and for us. If this happens again, I will have to tell Yoshiki.”

Heath nodded slowly. “Sorry.”

Toshi’s expression softened and he put down his pen and notebook. “Besides, I need to know where you are, and that you’re alive and not lying in a ditch somewhere in twelve different pieces. You’re important to us. Not just as an asset - you’re family. You know that, right? If you need help with something, just ask us. Any of us, even Taiji. All right?”

“Okay.”

“Good,” Toshi said, giving him a warm pat on the shoulder. “By the way, your friend Masato came in looking for you while you were away. You should probably go see him.”

  


As soon as Heath made eye contact with Masato at Revolver, he leapt up from behind the bar.

“Oh god, I thought something happened to you. I tried calling you and nobody was picking up, so I went to The Underneath and—”

“I know,” Heath said. “Toshi told me. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just had something personal to do.”

Masato regarded him carefully. “Are you okay? Does it have anything to do with… what you told me?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

“Didn’t do anything stupid, did you?” Masato asked with a frown.

Heath smiled and shook his head. “I’m fine. I’ve just buried an old grudge.”

 

* * *

 

Old ghosts had been laid to rest. Weeks melted into months and months melted into years, and when Heath lay in bed alone one night, it crossed his mind that he’d been working at The Underneath for just over 10 years now.

He kept his promise not to go off on his own looking for trouble. He had no reason to, now that he’d discarded any leftover grievances. He still sought out the odd fling now and then, but he’d long since grown accustomed to being alone.

“It just doesn’t work out,” Toshi had told him quite early on. Everyone else had gone home already and they were sharing a couple of lazy drinks before calling it a night.

“Never?” Heath asked.

“Well…” Toshi mulled upon this. “I haven’t had a relationship in I don’t know how long. Taiji hasn’t. Pata hasn’t. Yoshiki and hide are sometimes in and out of relationships. It just gets too difficult. Pretty soon you stop trying. It’s the lies, you see. First you lie about your job. Then you lie about where you’ve been, who you’ve seen, how you broke your arm or got that bruise. Then you have the danger. You don’t want someone you care about getting hurt because of you. You start pushing people away.” Toshi tapped the end of his cigarette in the ashtray and gave Heath a long look. “Sorry, kiddo, but that’s the truth. Emotional attachments will get someone killed.”

Heath gazed down into his empty glass. “That’s okay. I don’t think I could fall in love again, anyway.”

Toshi put an arm around him and gave his shoulders a squeeze. “If only it were that easy. We don’t get to choose who we fall in love with.”

 

For Heath, relationships only meant heartache and grief. Shin’s death had been a freak accident, but there was no doubt in his mind that he'd played a big part in Issay's murder Besides, he’d probably used up more than his fair share of luck in still being able to maintain his close friendship with Masato and Ryo, as well as Taka and Masaki, the other two bartenders at Revolver. It had been difficult for a while, but they all endured and came to learn that there were certain things that Heath couldn’t talk about, but that didn’t mean that their friendship wasn’t important to him. Other people were just insignificant visitors flitting in and out of their day to day lives like hummingbirds. Theirs was a lonely occupation, but it was the kind of thing that had to be learned the hard way.

Heath’s relationship with Taiji was still strained, but they both bore a grudging respect for each other, and they made the effort to keep it civil for everyone’s sake. When Heath replaced his Kawasaki with a beautiful white and black Ducati, Taiji had given it a cursory look and grunted something about how it wasn’t as good as his Harley. Heath shrugged and took it as a compliment. If they happened to be leaving work at the same time, he would deliberately let Taiji go first. There was no way it wouldn’t devolve into a pissing contest if they ever started racing each other.

 

A few weeks ago, hide surprised everybody when he walked in with a completely new look. Gone were the long red locks; he’d had it cut short and dyed hot pink.

“Love the new hair!” one of their regulars declared, holding up hide’s signature drink, the Pink Spider. “It really goes with this!”

“Thanks! That’s where I got the idea from,” hide beamed. “I thought it was time for a change, y’know? Plus it’s a pain in the ass to manage hair that long. I mean _literally_.”

The customer laughed. 

Across the room, Heath was clearing a recently vacated table and he could hear hide chatting to customers animatedly. He smiled to himself. That hide could talk to absolutely anybody. Probably another one of his weird ‘superpowers’.

He was heading back to the bar and saw that hide was already making friends with a new customer who looked a bit taken aback with having been accosted by this effervescent, pink-haired bartender. Heath’s gaze drifted down to the black guitar case resting against the man’s barstool and he thought of the way hide had pounced on him at the livehouse in Osaka and immediately decided that they would be good friends. Now they were working together. Funny how things work out like that sometimes.

Pata poked his head out from the back room and said something to hide; on his way to the back room, hide passed Heath and tapped his shoulder.

“I’ve got to see Yoshiki for a minute, but that guy I was just talking to is new in town. Can you fix him up with a Rusty Nail?”

Heath nodded. “Of course.”

“Thanks buddy!” hide gave him a brilliant smile.

 

Heath cast another quick glance at the new customer. The man was well-dressed and very attractive, and there was a deep thoughtfulness in the way he looked around the bar, taking in the little details. When the man reached up and brushed the black and auburn hair out of his eyes, Heath caught a glimpse of a tattoo on his right hand that disappeared up his sleeve.

He slid the drink across the counter and put on his best smile.

  


“Sugizo, is it?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think those three little words at the end are my favourite out of this whole story. And if you're thinking I chose the songs for chapter 1 and chapter 13 on purpose... you're damn right I did.


	14. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during and after [The Underneath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385468)

“Heath, I think you should go.”

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t… I’m going to do this.”

 

Heath felt like he had stopped breathing when Sugizo’s thumb brushed across his cheek, cupping the side of his face, and he felt a warm rush of excitement and pleasure as they kissed, tentatively at first, and it felt so good and so natural and for one crazy second Heath wondered why they hadn’t done this earlier. A soft sigh left his lips when Sugizo gently tangled his fingers in his hair, and he leaned into that hand, shifted in his seat as much as the car would allow, wanting to be closer, tried not to moan when Sugizo’s other hand came to rest on his knee, and god it was getting hot in here…

Heath broke the kiss first and Sugizo quickly withdrew his hand, thinking that perhaps he had been too forward. They sat there in a sort of stunned silence for a moment until Heath opened the car door and turned back to see Sugizo looking hurt and confused. He hesitated for all of one second and said, “Are you coming?”

Without waiting for an answer, Heath got out of the car and closed the door firmly behind him.

 _Are you coming?_ Had he heard right? Was Heath actually…?

Sugizo sat there for a few seconds before scrambling out of the car after the gorgeous man who had just kissed him back so passionately. Heath was almost at the top of the stairs and he had to force himself not to sprint after him.

Heath didn’t dare look behind him, but he felt both relieved and tense when he heard the car door opening and slamming shut, and then there was the sound of Sugizo’s brisk footsteps following him up the stairs. The footsteps slowed when he reached the landing, and it took all of Heath’s resolve to keep his hands steady when he felt light hands on his waist and Sugizo’s lips at his neck. It took a couple of tries, but he steeled himself and managed to get the door unlocked, and Sugizo followed Heath inside.

They stood there in the dark for a few moments. Nobody could have said which one of them moved first but they suddenly found themselves in each other’s arms, kissing far more feverishly than before, all lips and tongues and roaming hands. In the dark, Sugizo found himself pushed up against the wall and when he slid one hand up and under the back of Heath’s shirt to touch that soft skin, Heath reacted instantly, pressing his body against him, and Sugizo could barely contain a moan.

They parted briefly to catch their breath and watching Heath’s silhouette shrugging his blazer off made Sugizo uncomfortably hot all over. The garment was tossed aside carelessly and then they were kissing again and it was slow and sensual and intoxicating. They stumbled through the apartment in the dark and the need to touch and hold and _feel_ Heath was maddening. Sugizo cursed to himself silently. Why did he feel like such a nervous, clumsy teenager? He _couldn’t_ fall for Heath, he had a job to do, he…

He found himself backed against the bed and he pulled Heath down on top of him, scarcely breaking their kiss for a second, and they undressed each other slowly, piece by piece, partly to tease and partly because they were so goddamn nervous, and the relief was immense when they could finally feel skin against heated skin. Heath was so beautiful and he felt so, so good against his body and Sugizo wanted him so badly, and when Heath settled in between his legs, he leaned down and captured Sugizo’s lips in a deep kiss; at the same time he grasped his thigh with one hand and Sugizo arched his back with a long moan and raised his hips, instinctively locking his legs around Heath’s hips when they moved together in perfect harmony. God, it felt like they were made for each other.

They took it in turns bringing each other to pleasure, kissing deeply in between each round. It was only after they had utterly exhausted each other that they settled into each other’s arms. Sugizo fell asleep almost immediately, but that old ache in Heath’s heart kept him awake for a little while longer. After a string of meaningless flings over the years, he had almost forgotten what it was like to be truly intimate with someone instead of having sex for his own pleasure, and he was drunk on post-coital euphoria. It was hard not to fall into the trap of believing that they were perfect for each other, because that was exactly what it felt like, and with these thoughts, he, too, drifted to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Waking up in the morning to find Sugizo _and_ his car gone had hurt more than Heath wanted to admit, but he felt that he could hardly have expected anything more than a one-night stand. Seeing Sugizo come into the bar with a wound on his hand that matched the one he’d given to the masked interloper a couple of nights ago, however, was a slap in the face. If Yoshiki hadn’t ordered them to take the person in alive, he would have cut Sugizo’s throat right then and there. Heath knew that he had fucked up badly. Not only had he allowed someone to break his heart again, but this little dalliance, this little act of Sugizo’s, had put himself and everyone else at The Underneath in serious danger. It was a rookie mistake and he should have known better. That was the problem, Heath thought unhappily. He _did_ know better, and everybody knew it.

“Taiji, go downstairs and make him talk.”

Taiji nodded and started to get out of his chair, but then Heath stepped forward. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to do it.”

Everybody looked at him in surprise.

“And why’s that?” Yoshiki asked archly.

“He’s my mistake. I’d like to be the one to fix it,” Heath said. It wasn’t that he couldn’t bear to have Taiji hurt Sugizo again. Not at all. It was just that sometimes a gentler approach was more effective than Taiji’s fists.

Yoshiki thought over this as he fixed Heath with a hard look. “I’ll give you 48 hours and then you’re to hand him over to Taiji.”

Taiji gloated at this.

 

Heath had little experience with interrogations—that was always Taiji’s area—but it was surprisingly easy to get Sugizo to talk. All it took was a couple of painkillers, a little teasing, a little flirting, cleaning up his wounds, and he had ratted out his employer. Heath had heard about Gackt, but, like the rest of them, had thought that the man was long gone after the incident in Okinawa. Yoshiki was the only one who didn’t seem surprised to hear Gackt’s name.

Taiji had exploded when Yoshiki said that he wanted to hire Sugizo. For once, Heath and Taiji agreed on something; he was just as displeased with the prospect of Sugizo joining their ranks but while Taiji launched into a screaming match with Yoshiki about it with Toshi trying to get them both to calm down and shut up, Heath had stayed quiet. If that was Yoshiki’s choice, he would deal with it. And so when Yoshiki said that _he_ should be the one to deliver the news to Sugizo, he complied.

Sugizo was surprised about the offer, of course, and why wouldn’t he be? Nobody expects a job offer from someone they’ve just tried to murder. The best part for Heath, though, was when he finally said it: “Heath, I used you.”

Heath looked him straight in the eye. “I have no problem with a casual fuck,” he said calmly.

He would not give this man the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten under his skin, ignoring the little voice telling him that Sugizo had had every opportunity to kill him during the night they’d spent together. Of course Sugizo didn’t have feelings for him. That was stupid. And he absolutely didn’t feel anything for Sugizo either.

 

Heath almost believed his own lies, up until they had delivered Sugizo back to his employer. Gackt was dead by the hand of his own trusted Mana, but they couldn’t let Sugizo go. They had to kill him.

On his hands and knees, his eyes still watering and throat burning from when Közi had choked him, Heath looked into Sugizo’s eyes, Közi’s gun in hand, and for the first time since he had started working at The Underneath all those years back, he couldn’t finish a job. He recalled Sugizo’s face when he’d been told that the night they’d spent together was nothing more than hot, casual sex, and for some reason Heath now thought that Sugizo had looked hurt. That couldn’t be right. Sugizo was obviously putting on an act for him, wasn’t he? The whole thing had been an act. It was that, or his mind was playing tricks on him, making him see something that wasn’t there. Either way, though, he couldn’t do it. Heath couldn’t kill him, and Sugizo had gotten away.

 

Toshi worked hard with his network of contacts to try to find Sugizo, so that they could either bring him back in or kill him. He’d tracked the man to Kansai but Sugizo was smart, always staying on the move, and after a month or so, he disappeared altogether and the trail went cold.

Heath, meanwhile, had really copped it from Yoshiki for letting Sugizo go again, and was put on suspension for three months, and supervised probation for a further three months. He knew that it was only because this was his first major violation that he had gotten off as lightly as he had. Even though hide and Taiji both took a very lax attitude on what they called ‘supervising’, he hated being back on supervision like he was a child. He also knew he had to comply and work hard to earn Yoshiki’s trust back and convince him he hadn’t been compromised or lost his touch.

Being suspended wasn’t too bad, all things considered. He still worked at the bar so he never needed to worry about income, although he was frozen out of all of the other business affairs that went on behind closed doors. He had a little more free time to himself and he spent his time going to livehouses and occasionally seeing Masato and the others at Revolver.

He saw Lunacy play a couple of times at local livehouses. Rhythm guitarist Inoran had picked up the role of lead guitar in Sugizo’s absence and the band’s performance was strong, but, like his own life, he could tell that there was something missing.

After the gig, Heath sat at the bar alone, nursing a  beer when he felt a light hand touch his shoulder.

“Hi.” It was Lunacy’s vocalist. Heath must have looked confused, because he quickly introduced himself. “I’m Ryuichi.”

He took the proffered hand. “Heath.”

“I hope you enjoyed the show,” Ryuichi said. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Heath held up his half-finished beer and shook his head politely.

“Okay.” Ryuichi perched on the barstool beside him. “I… we just wanted to ask. You know Sugizo, right?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Heath said evasively. “He used to go to the bar where I work.”

“You don’t know where he is these days, do you?”

“No. Sorry.”

“I _told_ you he wouldn’t know.” The blond bass player was a tall, tough-looking guy with a deep voice. “Who cares? We don’t need someone who can’t commit to the band.”

Ryuichi looked at him, embarrassed. “Come on, J…”

“Yeah, what kind of person just disappears off the face of the earth?” said the drummer Shinya. “No messages, won’t even answer his phone. He should have at least said something.”

Inoran nodded in agreement.

“Guys, don’t be like that,” Ryuichi said reproachfully. He turned back to Heath. “Sorry. Don’t listen to them. They’re just frustrated.”

Heath just shrugged.

“Um, if you happen to see or hear from him, could you let us know?” Ryuichi asked. “I’m worried that something’s happened to him. I’d just like to know that he’s okay...”

Heath felt irritated. _Why are you so goddamn concerned about Sugizo? Was there something between the two of you?_

Out loud, he said, “Sure, if I see or hear from him, I’ll let you know.”

Ryuichi looked relieved. “Thank you. Here’s my number.” He handed Heath a folded slip of paper.

“C’mon, Ryu. Stop bothering him.” J tilted his head toward the door.

 

Heath watched them leave, finished off his beer and threw the slip of paper away.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Taiji was standing on Heath’s doorstep with a six pack of beer and a white and gold box bearing the name of a French patisserie. He tipped his cowboy hat back. “Got your address off hide. Can I come in?”

“Um… of course.” Baffled, he stepped back to let Taiji in.

The older man set the beer and pastry box on the kitchen counter. “I know you have a sweet tooth, so I got some treats too.”

Pata, Toshi and hide had all commented on how well he and Taiji were getting along lately, but he’d never expected the man to drop by for a social visit while he was on suspension, let alone bothered to notice that he liked sweets.

“You have a really nice place,” Taiji remarked, more to fill the awkward silence than anything else.

“Oh. Uh. Thanks?” Heath stammered.

“I always pictured you living in a really neat and tidy apartment, and look…” Taiji swept his hand in an arc. “I’m almost surprised that you don’t have a perfect white Persian cat on your lap.”

“I’m more of a dog person.”

“Me too. I guess Pata’s the only crazy cat lady out of the lot of us.” Taiji slouched on the sofa with his legs stretched out. He held a can of beer in one hand and a custard tart in the other. “I remember my first big fuckup. Second or third year on the job. I got real cocky and the guy I was interrogating actually got away from me. Pata saved my skin and blew out his kneecap. _Beautiful_ shot, you should have seen it.”

“Is that what you came here for?” Heath asked a little sourly. “To rub it in? You were right about Sugizo and I was wrong?”

For a split second Taiji looked offended and the thin aluminium beer can crackled in his hand; then he visibly restrained himself and his expression softened.

“Of course not,” he said. “I’m just trying to say that you’re not the only one who has ever made a mistake. You messed up by letting Sugizo get to you, but that’s what he does. He’s a professional, but so are you. You’re good at your job, you know.”

Heath was speechless. Was Taiji, prickly old Taiji who didn’t like anybody, actually giving him a compliment?

 

They lapsed into silence for a minute and then Taiji offered the box of pastries to Heath. “I didn’t know what kind of sweets you like, so I just got a bunch of different ones.”

Taiji took note as the younger man went for the chocolate croissant without a moment’s hesitation and looked pleased when he bit into the flaky, buttery pastry.

“You should have seen the looks they gave me when I walked in.” Taiji finished off his eclair and licked the chocolate off his fingers. “If I _actually_ wanted to rob someone, d’you think it’d be a posh-ass bakery with a name that’s all made-up words?”

“ _Des Gâteaux et du Pain_?” Heath laughed. “It’s not that bad once you learn a little bit of French.”

“Oh yeah? Well why don’t _you_ buy them next time if you’re so fucking smart?” Taiji retorted.

Heath glanced at him sideways and studied his expression. “All right,” he said, smiling. “Next time I will.”

 

* * *

[[   P L A Y   S O N G   ]](https://drive.google.com/open?id=18cbnJvs1WuOA8pEzBFPUn6wi39t7LHpt)

 

When Toshi had lost Sugizo’s trail, Heath had been relieved for two reasons: they couldn’t kill him if they never found him, and Heath wouldn’t be forced to face his feelings for Sugizo, either. It was better for everyone for him to simply fade away. And just when Heath had thought that he was starting to get over Sugizo, the man had had the nerve to show up outside his goddamn apartment and ask how Heath had been, _as if he actually fucking cared_.

Heath’s first instinct was to resent him but somehow when they looked at each other, he just felt a keen longing. And he wasn’t the only one. Rather than his usual confident, charming self, Sugizo’s demeanor was subdued and unsure of himself, even when Heath worked up the nerve to invite him to stay. And then he had asked about Heath letting him go instead of putting a bullet through his head; he _knew_ that Heath had let him go that night. He wasn’t asking if or why Heath had deliberately missed his shot. He was asking if Heath felt something for him.

Sugizo make a small noise of protest when Heath kissed him but still he accepted the kiss, his fingers grazing over the black tank top that hugged Heath’s body in all the right places, settling on his waist. They had finally reached an understanding… and Heath’s heart broke when those hands pushed him away.

“Heath, no. I can’t… I can’t figure you out.”

Heath stalled. What was going on? Had he been mistaken? Didn’t Sugizo want this, too? “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what any of this means to you. I can’t tell if you’re playing with me or if it’s all in my head or…”

Heath felt his heart sinking even more. _You don’t get it. Why don’t you get it?_  

“What do you think this means?” He brought a hand up to touch Sugizo’s lips and this time when they kissed, he made no move to push Heath away again.

“I’ve missed you,” Sugizo whimpered.

“I missed you, too.” Heath took his hand and it was warm and comforting. “Come on. Let’s get you inside. Tomorrow night I’ll take you to see Yoshiki. But you’ll always belong with me.”

 

* * *

 

Heath shifted in bed and groaned softly. He was aching all over from a night of amazing sex, the kind of slow, passionate sex that people who wrote the lyrics for pop songs might call ‘making love’. He turned over as carefully as he could. Auburn hair, an arm with those familiar tattoos, Sugizo was sound asleep with his back to him, completely relaxed. Their clothes were strewn all over the floor. They had spent hours exploring and enjoying each other last night, taking the time to get to know one another, experiencing the thrill of learning what made his new lover tick and the joy of such intimacy that can only be shared by those who are deeply in love. Heath sat there watching him for a while. He badly wanted to reach out and touch him and make sure he was real, but at the same time he didn’t want to wake Sugizo and break this peaceful spell. What if he woke up and realised what he’d done? What if he regretted sleeping together a second time and left for good?

Heath finally couldn’t resist any more and gently touched his shoulder. Sugizo immediately tensed up and Heath quickly withdrew his hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure that you…”

He suddenly realised that he was scared. He could murder another human being without batting an eye, but this? This terrified him. He hadn’t brought anyone into his bed in ages, not since he was with Issay back in Osaka. It had always seemed too real, too much like tempting fate, yet he had invited Sugizo into his bed _twice_ , and he was falling for him so fast that it fucking scared him.

Sugizo’s soft voice brought him out of his reverie. “That I what?”

Heath swallowed nervously. “That you hadn’t run away again.”

He squeezed his eyes shut when Sugizo ran his fingers lightly along his cheek. 

“I told you. I’m done with running away. I want to stay with you.”

 

They spent all morning in each other’s arms, sharing the sweetest kisses that slowly became more passionate, their bodies reacting to one another, until Sugizo gave a low chuckle in his throat. “I don’t know if I can. I’m all sore from last night.”

Heath couldn’t help but laugh as well. “So am I. You wore me out.”

“That just means we did it right.” Sugizo’s voice was dark with lust.

We. Not _you_ or _I_ , but _we_.

Heath covered his eyes with one hand and turned away.

“What’s wrong?” Sugizo asked, concerned.

“Nothing. Just… I kind of suck at… all of this.”

“Why would you say that?”

Heath just shook his head.

“I don’t think you do,” Sugizo said quietly. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have fallen for you.”

This was met with a derisive laugh but then Sugizo lifted that hand off his eyes and placed it over his chest.

“See how you make me feel?”

Heath’s eyes were still closed but he pressed his hand to Sugizo’s chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady.

“Are you always this smooth?” he murmured.

Sugizo hummed contemplatively, leaning up on one elbow. “Depends. Is it working?”

“It’s what you do best, isn’t it?”

Sugizo sighed and pressed a lingering kiss to Heath’s hand. “I know this might be hard for you to believe, but _I care about you_. The reason I left after we… I had to tell Gackt I couldn’t finish the job I was contracted for. Because of you.”

Heath fell silent.

“I was already in love with you before we slept together, Heath.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“I didn’t come back just for any goddamn job. I came back for you.”

“Sugizo—”

“Accepting Yoshiki’s offer is what I need to do to be with you—”

“ _Don’t say that_.”

“—and I don’t want to be just a casual fuck to you.”

Sugizo was surprised at how much it pained him to see Heath so crushed and he immediately regretted saying that last part. It would be over a year before he would learn why Heath was so afraid of falling in love. For now, he could only wonder how such a sweet and gentle soul ended up in their line of work. He cupped the side of Heath’s face, running his thumb along his cheek, smoothing out the worry in his face with the lightest touch, kissing the corners of his lips until Heath lifted his gaze and finally managed a smile, a _real_ smile, and Sugizo slid an arm around his slim body just as Heath’s fingers threaded through his hair while they kissed, and the way Sugizo held him when they made love left no doubt in Heath’s mind that this was real, and had been from the beginning.

 

Heath didn’t keep his promise of taking Sugizo to see Yoshiki later that night. They were curled up on the sofa together, the cold remains of their take-out meal pushed to one side of the coffee table, the movie playing on the television forgotten. The most time that they had spent apart all day was when they had to shower, which wasn’t big enough for two. While Sugizo showered, Heath put his clothes through the wash. They were of a similar height and build, so he brought out some clean clothes for Sugizo: a plain black t-shirt and some comfortable jeans. He quietly opened the bathroom door and placed the clothes on the chair just inside, and, figuring Sugizo wouldn’t begrudge him enjoying the view, snuck a quick look at him in the shower.

Tonight their kisses were sweet and chaste, just loving and appreciating each other and making the most of their time together. They were all soft smiles and delicate touches and tender kisses, but they shared the same uneasiness about their situation: if Sugizo couldn’t strike a deal with Yoshiki, all of this would have to end.

Heath thought about this and he gently ran his fingers along the love bite on Sugizo’s neck. “I want to stay like this forever.”

“Mm. But you have to take me to see Yoshiki.” There was a hint of wistfulness in Sugizo’s voice.

“Yeah. I will.” After a moment’s thought, Heath captured his lips in a short kiss and disentangled himself from Sugizo’s arms. He fetched his phone from the kitchen counter and dialled.

“Hey, it’s me. I don’t think I’ll be able to come in tonight… no, just not feeling well. I have, yes. Just need to sleep it off. I will. Sorry. See you tomorrow, Toshi.”

From across the room, Sugizo stared at him and then started laughing. “Did you just do what I think you did?”

Heath looked down at his phone shyly, turning it around in his hands. “I just want you all to myself for one more night.”

Sugizo got up from the sofa and crossed the room, slipping his arms about Heath’s waist and tucking his head beneath his chin like a cat.

“Heath,” he sighed. “Don’t you know I’m already yours?”

 

* * *

 

“ _FUCKING BASTARD, YOU’VE GOT BALLS COMING BACK HERE!_ ”

 

Sugizo immediately took a step back, and Heath had to wrestle Taiji back and hold him at arms’ length. “Don’t, Taiji. Please.”

“What the _fuck_ is he doing here?” Taiji pointed an accusing finger at Sugizo. “What did he do to you?”

“Nothing!” Heath shot Sugizo a pained look. “He just wants to talk to Yoshiki.”

“The hell he will!”

 

Fearing the worst, hide had run to get Pata and Toshi as soon as he had seen Sugizo, and the three of them exchanged a perplexed glance, eyebrows raised, when they saw Sugizo standing behind Heath looking mortified while Taiji and Heath argued over him.

 

“— _kill_ you this time, you son of a bitch!”

“Taiji!”

“Move, Heath!”

“ _No!_ ” The two were evenly matched; Taiji was stronger and tougher, but Heath was taller and had better reach.

“You wanna find out what kind of shit this motherfucker’s going to start this time?”

“He’s not going to start anything!”

“How do you know that?” the older man snarled. “How do we know that this _FUCKING PRICK_ isn’t working for someone else now?”

“He isn’t—”

“All you have is my word,” Sugizo interrupted, raising his voice a little. “Gackt is dead. I think you know by now I had no loyalty to him. I just want to speak with Yoshiki. If the offer is still on the table, I’d like to accept. That’s all I’m asking. If it’s not, that’s fine. I will leave. You’ll never see or hear from me again.”

Heath’s heart sank.

“You think we’d just let you go like that?” Taiji gave a harsh bark of laughter. “Why should we believe that a piece of shit like you would be loyal to Yoshiki? What’s stopping you from turning on him and us?”

“Taiji, just give him one chance,” Pata said. “I think he’s genuine.”

“One chance is all he needs. You know that as well as I do. If we turn our backs on him for one second, he will bring us all down!” Taiji pointed at Heath. “Starting with this one.”

“No—” Sugizo protested.

“You all thought he was ‘genuine’ before and look at what happened,” Taiji snapped.

Pata frowned. “He didn’t have a choice before.”

“He chose to work for Gackt, didn’t he?”

“Let me speak to him, Taiji,” Yoshiki cut in.

“No,” Taiji said stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at Sugizo. “I don’t trust him.”

Yoshiki cocked an eyebrow. “Do you trust me?”

“What?” Taiji looked dumbfounded and slowly dropped his arms again. “I… of course I do!”

“Then let me be the judge,” Yoshiki said. “If I don’t think he’s trustworthy, you can have him.”

 

* * *

 

Heath stood outside in the back alley, taking a break while hide, Taiji and Pata attended to the customers. He glanced at his watch and took a deep drag of his cigarette, exhaling very slowly. Sugizo had been in Yoshiki’s office for well over two hours and they hadn’t heard a peep the entire time. That could either be a good sign or a very bad sign.

He looked over when the heavy back door creaked open and Taiji emerged. The older man sat down on a stack of timber pallets and patted each of his pockets in turn, looking confused.

“Here.” Heath leaned over and offered him a light.

Taiji inhaled as the end of his cigarette sizzled and nodded his thanks. The two of them smoked in silence for a couple of minutes, not looking at each other.

“He really means it, Taiji,” Heath said quietly. “I know I was wrong before, and I was dumb, but this is different now.”

Taiji just shook his head slowly so Heath went on. “He’s trying to make a fresh start. He knows what he’s up against. He’s not stupid, we’re six against one and he has no chance. If he weren’t serious about this, why would he risk everything to come back?”

Taiji sighed and took off his cowboy hat, running a hand through his messy blond hair. “We can’t afford to put that asshole in a position where he can use you again.”

“I won’t let him.”

There was a derisive snort. “He already has. He obviously went looking for you first because he knew that _you_ of all people wouldn’t hurt him.”

“Yes, because he knew that if he came _here_ , you’d kill him before he had a chance to talk!”

“Damn straight I would,” Taiji muttered under his breath. Out loud, he said, “Look, kid, at the end of the day it’s Yoshiki’s decision but if he starts something—”

“He won’t, Taiji.”

“— _if he starts something_ ,” Taiji repeated, louder this time and jabbing a finger in the air emphatically. “I am going to step in. I don’t care how pretty his face is.”

Heath glanced at him, but Taiji was looking down and fiddling with the buckle on his boot. He was still getting used to Taiji’s fiercely protective streak, and he thought he finally understood the mentality behind it. When Heath had joined The Underneath, Taiji was wary of him as an outsider. Now the same was happening with Sugizo. Taiji would do anything to defend his pack.

“He won’t. I’ll make sure of it this time,” Heath said.

The older man said nothing for a while. Eventually he snuffed out his own spent cigarette, exhaled a plume of smoke and got to his feet. “You do that, Heath.”

Heath discarded his cigarette butt in the tin can on the ground and followed Taiji back inside.

 

Their heavy boots made a loud clomping noise on the hardwood floors as they made their way back up the corridor to the front of the bar. They stopped when the door to Yoshiki’s office swung open and Sugizo stepped out looking drained.

Before Heath could say anything, Toshi squeezed around Sugizo with a tablet in his hand, tapping and scrolling through some documents. “Your 12 months probation starts the day you give me a signed copy of your contract. Don’t make me wait for it, okay?”

“Thank you,” Sugizo said gratefully.

“You’re welcome,” Toshi said, smiling. He closed the door to Yoshiki’s office and looked over his shoulder at Heath. “Why don’t you knock off early and take Sugizo home? He looks like he needs a proper night’s rest.” The look on his face said that he had a pretty good idea of what they'd been doing when Heath called in sick last night, other than resting.

Taiji muttered under his breath and shouldered past without sparing Sugizo a second glance.

 

Heath waited until Taiji and Toshi were out of sight. “Well?”

“Toshi’s nice. Your boss is a tough nut to crack,” Sugizo said a little ruefully. “But I think he believes that I want this. And I do.” His voice dropped to just above a whisper and Heath could have sworn that his cheeks turned a little pink. “I really do.”

Heath felt awash with relief. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at Sugizo, smiling. “Well. Welcome to the rest of your life.”

Sugizo hesitated shyly for a second and then leaned in to kiss him softly on the cheek. “I can’t wait.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is a cover of Luna Sea's [SHINE by Marty Friedman VS LEGEND feat. Suzuki Shinichiro](https://drive.google.com/open?id=18cbnJvs1WuOA8pEzBFPUn6wi39t7LHpt) \- yes, THAT Shin! 
> 
> Here ends _Beautiful Strangers_. Thanks again to everyone who has come along for this journey with me. This 'epilogue' was meant to be a separate story but I thought it worked better as an epilogue. It's mostly self-indulgent wank, but I really enjoyed exploring Heath and Taiji's budding friendship a little more. As always, I really appreciate the love and hope that I have been able to entertain you. I write to entertain myself and if I can bring a little fun to your day, so much the better.


	15. Extasy (teaser)

“Here.” Yukke handed Miya a bottle of iced tea, and he unscrewed the cap and took a few long gulps.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

They both scrunched down on the ground with their backs leaning against the car.

Miya undid his tie and his cuffs, and stared at the ground between his shoes. “Do you think the others are okay?”

“Mm,” Yukke said noncommittally. He was turning his phone around and around in his hands. Finally he opened his recent calls list and dialled Tatsurou. It rang twice.

“Yukke.” Tatsurou sounded tired.

Yukke tapped the speaker icon. “Tatsu. You’re alive.”

“Yeah.”

“You guys all right?”

There was a very long, drawn-out sigh. “I’m okay. Satochi’s hurt.”

Miya pressed a hand over his eyes. “Did he get shot?”

“No. He hit his head when their car hit ours. He can’t remember what happened but says he feels pretty bad.” Tatsurou was walking around the perimeter of the little 7-Eleven’s parking area, going around and around. “I got him some painkillers for now. He’s in the car resting.”

“Jesus.” Yukke glanced over and Miya rubbed his face with both hands and swore softly.

There was a long silence before Tatsurou spoke again. “Miya?”

“Yeah?”

“What now?”

There was another long pause so Tatsurou walked back to the car, got in and closed the door as softly as he could. Satochi looked at him questioningly.

_Miya_ , he mouthed, pointing at his phone. Out loud, he said, “Miya?”

 

“Meet me and Yukke in Tokyo. We need Yoshiki’s help.”

 


End file.
